happy paradise

2012-02-08T22:31:00.002+08:00

Sometimes words are not enough to describe what we really feel.
There will come a time when I question myself.
Is this really it?
The way that I am leading my life.
Not exactly what I wanted.

"There is simply no time." "Quizzes are coming up." "I have so many commitments."
EXCUSES.

These are just the excuses that I chose for a feeble attempt to explain why I stopped.
Was I ever near?
Does that even matter?
The steps that I have taken, they could be mindless wandering.
Do I care?
Yes.

But that shouldn't be the determining factor.
Why did I stop?

Today, I sat alone outside the library and stared at the beautiful trees.
Always there, always telling me that some things can remain constant for a very long time.
I watched the passer-bys and I felt peaceful.
I felt warm and comforted.

I feel like I found a bit of the me that wants to write again.

2012-01-17T22:07:00.003+08:00

The opportunity presented itself.
But then here comes an opportunity for me to decline that original opportunity.
Should I grab onto it just as I did before?
But that would be quitting won't it?
That would mean backing out. That would mean giving up.
And what exactly is holding me back?
The feeling of being committed?
But that is the exact feeling for making me want to quit.
I want to lead a carefree life. I don't want to worry all day about the possible SMSes.
I don't want to be afraid and stressed because the senior emailed.
I don't want to stand in front of everyone and let them hurt my ego.
But I want to learn. I want to grow.
It is painful, and stressful and tiring.
But... Always the 'but'...
Decisions, I really don't want to choose anymore.
I don't know what I want. I don't know where I should go.
Which road I should take. I don't know what I should persevere on.
Once again, I am lost.

2011-11-25T10:53:00.003+08:00

Feels awkward.
Wah people end paper liao wor and I just completed my second one.
Sighs, every single paper that I have experienced reminds me of A levels Economics!
I wonder whether is that good or bad.

Feels awkward.
When I am feeling so manipulated and yet I have never mastered the ability to say no.
Kinda hate myself for bringing these onto myself sometimes.

Feels awkward.
Since it has already begin to feel weird when I show my nude part of my heart, perhaps it is time to STOP IT.
Why can't I just do it?

All I do is agree to it, show that I want it too and then moan alone.
WHY?
Yes, I do want it.
Yes, I still care.
But I don't want to anymore, because I know that I will fall back into that dark hole again. I will feel everything that I've felt before.
I don't want to be manipulated.
I don't want to be nice anymore.
Because I no longer want to be hurt.
But still, I can't bear to hurt him.
Is that the reason why I always choose to go along with him every single time?
And then bear with the consequences alone later?
Feeling imbalance and uncertain and stuff?
WHY?
Why must he always appear AGAIN when I have decided to start a fresh page.
And then my new page will be tainted. And then there is simply no point to start again.
I couldn't understand it, not a single part of it.

2011-11-19T21:23:00.002+08:00

Had been mugging for the past few days.
And had my first paper today.
Wah! I have to exclaim when I stepped into the exam hall.
GOT THE A LEVEL DE HEELING AR!
Other than the hall is slightly smaller than RV's hall, everything is almost the same.
Ok, apart from the people. I used to be able to recognize everyone in the hall left, right and center.
Ahwells, reminds me a hello lot of H2 Econs.
10 marks, 15 marks, 25 marks essay questions...
Write until my hand LAN DIAO! >.<

Can't believe it that I will no longer see all my profs anymore.
I mean... they are all so cute and kind! :D
Most of my profs anyway.
Haha while collecting my paper, Paul smiled at me! :D
Ohman, seriously I think I like older men more! Oh god! :/

Rewarded myself with my favourite Burger King's mushroom swiss!
And bought a 3 bucks hairband at Helen <3
That totally brought on my shopping desire!
Retail therapy!~
I shall use the many plans that I have made in december to motivate myself to MUG ON!

2011-11-11T23:39:00.002+08:00

Figured that I should come up and blog something before today ends.
Since there is so much hype about it being 11/11/11.
It's really great to be born in this century and to be able to witness this I guess.
While everyone is busy wishing, I was kinda busy mugging.
And having a good talk with my mum which I seldom do now because I spend a lot of time in school and with friends.
It's good to just sit there and listen to her rant about her problems at work.
Makes me feel that at least I could be there for her this time.
So that I can somehow show my appreciation in her always being there for me.
So while everyone is looking out for 11:11 today, I guess I was trying to make today more significant for me in my own ways.
Appreciating how blessed I am and studying out with friends and being so close with my friend's family just makes me feel so warm and fuzzy on the inside!
I feel that everything really has been planned out for me.
Even the tiniest details in life have been mapped out to form the pattern of my life.
And that's why from now on, I am just going to follow my heart and instinct.

I missed my bus 176 in the morning and board 97 instead which allowed me to drop at NUS bus stop to meet up with Huiyuan.
I waited super long for bus 176 at night, resulting in me getting home rather late but this way, I got to talk with my mum.
I put off replying to Anna's tweet because I want to facebook first, and that result in me realising that I have 1,111 tweets.

All these are trivial stuff but somehow they lead to events/things that are important to me.
So while I have many wishes unfulfilled, I am still going to be content.
Because somehow I already know that no matter how bumpy the road is going to be, I will be ok.
Going to huiyuan's house today allowed me to watch A Cinderella's Story again.
"Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game."
Many things happened these few weeks, and finals are looming.
But I am just gonna follow my passion and my dreams, and I know that this will lead me to exactly where I am going to be.
And so, today I am not gonna blog about what happened during the past few days.
What I have gone through: weird people, meetings, fun dinners etc
But I am gonna appreciate them all!
Because whether I like it or not, they have already formed part of the chapters of my life. And I am moving on, nonetheless.
So, as people come and go, passing me by, I am just gonna hold on to the people that love me and make the most out of my days with them.
Yes, all of us may have regrets and disappoinment in some parts of life, but we should never let that cloud our vision of the rainbow beyond.

So I wanna take this opportunity in this fateful day of 11/11/11 in this century, I am going to remember how blissful I am now.
I may not have the most perfect life in the world.
But it is already sufficient for me.
And I am going bring the reflections that I have today, to everyday of my life in the future.

2011-11-01T23:18:00.003+08:00

When it's busy and depressing, I have no mood to blog at all.
So I guess the fact that I am up here today means that everything is turning for the better? Not.
Natural hazards was a disaster indeed.
I felt a huge blow to my ego.
I thought it was geography-related?!
Ohmygod, my concepts of A level geography was not used at all!
Ok, used a bit, minimally I swear.
I have no idea what went wrong.
Because I didn't memorize every single slide of the notes?
Good job then, because my mind is too filled to do that.
I dunno, maybe I am really always ill-prepared.

Completed my first layout for nanyuan.
Felt really proud of myself when I flipped open the newspaper and stared at the page that I did, and the articles I wrote.
The sense of accomplishment is immense.
But it's also difficult to forget the ordeal that I went through.
Rushing to press conference after lessons, going to concerts alone, researching on opinions piece, going to some weird conference listening to succesful entrepreneurs...
And staying up till 530am in the morning just to lay a freaking and a half page.
Yup, so many prices to pay, for that one sweet smile.
Discussed with the editors what we are going to do for now.

ODAC stopped and exams are looming.
And I find myself more deprived of the people that I love!
Thank goodness I will be seeing one this saturday and a few more on sunday! :D
Brightens up my life seriously.
I need a few breaks and there, a few perks to keep me going.
To give me a pat on the back and tell me it's ok.
Even though I look at my gpa and I feel like shrivelling up and die.
It's so freaking far from 4.5, from first class.
How on earth am I supposed to reach it?
No confidence. Who stole my ego?

2011-10-20T21:06:00.002+08:00

Lost for words.

HAPPY: Did really well for my CS2005 persuasive speech! Prof said I should be proud of myself!

And then... I dunno, everything seems to be going downhill afterwards.
Natural hazards test was zzz...
I don't aim for As, just hope that I dun see that hideous alphabet that I got last time ever again!
I kept telling myself that after these 2 weeks, everything will be better.
Everything will be better.
After these 2 weeks, everything will be better.

But I don't see the perks anymore.
I am getting angsty and TOO sensitive.
I need a break, yes again.
I am afraid that one sight of the people I missed and I will break down.
The tears are bursting out.
And yet I kept swallowing them back in.
They don't belong in this world.
They only belong to me. And that's why I don't feel like sharing it.
But I feel like I am slowly losing the little control that I have.

Went for a press conference today. And it really sets me thinking.
About what is the role that I am and will be going to play in such events in the future. The PR? The advertiser? The journalist?
I have absolutely no idea.
Nope, non at all.
10 issues and I hope that by the end of it, I can know THE ANSWER.
It's all part and parcel of life ain't it?
The uncertainty, the stress. I guess I have to get use to it especially in my line of job and be brave, always be brave.

Feel a little desperate for alone time.
Everything will be better after 2 weeks.

2011-10-11T21:09:00.002+08:00

Was mildly depressed this afternoon.
So I bought my favourite Starbucks' white chocolate mocha to cheer myself up.
I figured that I am easily sidetracked.
Or perhaps I just haven't really figure out what I want.
Lost, so easily.
I thought I screwed the interview up.
I thought there goes the opportunity.
I am already committed to ODAC, and I said that it will be okay even if I couldn't get into Nanyang Chronicle.
I was really quite affected by ADdiction.
I thought experience is everything that weekimwee looks for.
So I was hesitant, I was afraid.
I comforted myself even before I went for the interview.
I braced myself for the coming rejection.
I was ready.
I guess coming into weekimwee... It hurt my ego a little.
Like I was never good enough compared to the rest who are so talented.
I just lost track of my own ability and simply thought I had none.
I felt inferior. And I let that thought get into my head.
But I was surprised that the editors embraced me for who I am.
They can accept the fact that I have no past writings to show them for the time being.
They are willing to take me in simply on the recommendation of a senior.
And of that interview that I pretty much screw up quite a lot.
But then I was traumatised.
That was not what I expected.
I have no idea what to do. I came to uni, not wanting to commit to anything.
Then ODAC came. Then this came.
But it's too much of an opportunity for me to turn down.
I need to stop procrastinating. And start on something that can kickstart my journey of dream. Everyone is following their passion and I don't want to stone in hall anymore.
Though my sense of shock turned into mild depression rapidly.
But I am going to take a leap of faith.
Though I have conflicted views in my head that I cannot express, I am going to open this door and see where it will take me.
Went to run as a weak attempt to clear my mind.
I will use this as a potential path to search for my dream/inspirtation again.
Perhaps, this is it.

2011-10-08T21:26:00.002+08:00

A sudden pang of inspiration.
It just came and went.
But I've always enjoyed that stroke of brilliance.
Like giving me the power to create with the simple play of words.
Daydreaming is never just daydreaming with me. It's alone time.
It's quality time that I spent with myself.

Went for ODAC family day today at farrer park.
Not bad. Went to try out the new circle line.
Awesome. I can walk to a mrt station now.
And that totally saves a lot of time travelling to school.
BYSI at City Square Mall is so awesome that they are having 30% to 50% sale!
BYSI + SALE = ME GOING NUTTILY HIGH!
I am going back there with my mum tomorrow to shop till I drop! :D
We walked from Farrer Park to Little India to Dohby Gaut.
Totally proud of myself. And I didn't give anyone low blows today.
Ha! Even prouder lols!
First time in my memory that I went to that area.
But according to my mum, I went to Little India before when I was young.
Hmm, no recollection whatsoever.
Didn't eat lunch though because of the amazing race.
I think I am screwing my stomach.
Was thrashing around in my bed on wednesday night because my stomach went into spasm mode.
I was freaking out but I had no idea what to do.
It doesn't give me the vomit or the diarrhoe feeling.
And it just keep spasming.
And it just kept going on the next day and the day after.
And I was really worried. I think I ate something wrong and my stomach was upset.
Feeling much better now, thank goodness. PHEW.

Received the hairband that I ordered on facebook.
The ribbon is a little bigger than I expected, and the colour doesn't really look the same as the picture.
But I think overall it's quite nice.
And it's quite worth the money.
Aunt bought me an ASUS laptop. LIKE WOAH! THANK HER A LOT!
And having cousin's birthday party tomorrow!
Bought her a silver cherry necklace coated with platinum. For a 9 year old? Mature much? Makes me feel quite imbalance.

2011-10-01T12:46:00.002+08:00

Recess week is rather a disaster for me.
Ohmygod, I did absolutely NO mugging.
Ohmygod, and I am getting super pressurized whenever I see people mugging.
Argh, blame it on my procrastination.
But at least I got my CS2005 group presentation recorded media done.
And had pumpfest cohesion on wednesday which is absolutely FUN! :D
Haha though I feel super guilty for missing the meeting entirely. OOPS! >.<
First time being to Sheng Shiong @ ulu ulu place near NTU for grocery shopping!
Haha everyone just kept on buying with no regards of the budget! :p
Had a really great steamboat with them!
Hmm, I am so glad that I found another group of people that I can be myself with.
Feels so comfortable with them around!
It makes me feel that I made the right choice in committing in pumpfest!
Sleepover in hall with Jennie! And we talked until about 230am before going to sleep ho! And she woke me up at 940am! >.<

Lols but we nua around eating chocos and watching Friends with Benefits!
Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis HOTTTTTT!!!
Went to HSS library to photocopy readings for China's foreign policy.
Wahlao, damn a lot can! >.<
Sian and I haven't do a single one of them yet zzz!
Yoga was great! :D Did a handstand against the wall! Haha great accomplishment!
And I really like the instructor leh! So cute! (haha not in the appearance way though oops!)
Am going to buy yoga mat and go attend his free lessons! Woohoo!
Ate Japanese Teppanyaki at JP with Jennie.
Ate some fabulous pork belly pancake thing.
I dunno whether it is too huge, or my stomach really did shrink, well I couldn't finish it :/

Slack at home on friday, totally waking up at 1130am and lag around the entire day.
DID NOTHING >.<
Where exactly did my recess week go?!
Went to airport to send Tongjing off.
God, I am so going to miss her T.T
Cannot imagine one year not seeing her *bawls*
Reached home at about 1230am, sighs mum nagging again.
But yea, she will never understand how important that is to me zzz.

Going to WKWSCI's Paparazi Boom this evening!
Shall meet up with the lovelies before going!
And shall attempt to make my 15 bucks worthwhile.
AND THAT MAKES ME WANNA WATCH WICKED EVEN MORE!

Going to grandma's house tomorrow.
Comtemplating whether I should go to Desaru with family during december.
Hmm, I dunno. Tempting thought though :/

And then school's starting again?!
You kidding me right?

2011-09-26T23:10:00.002+08:00

Woah woah woah!
Just got back from ODAC's Pumpfest subcomm trip to Malaysia Berkelah waterfalls!
It's an awesome trip!
Although I came back with loads of mosquitoes bites and scratches and scars and became a whole load tanner, I can't help but be happy and smile and be proud of myself!
This whole entire trip with everyone was really great and we had a lot of fun despite the super challenging trek and I am really glad and thankful that I am here, alive and blogging.

After school on friday, I met up with Tee Li in school to go to Kranji together.
We waited for bus 170 to go to Woodlands customs.
Bought groceries at Seng Shiong and I think it was a really fun experience! Haha give me shopping chances, somemore not I pay leh!:D
Then we ate a little here and there and then walking over to customs!!!
Cleared the customs though I had a little problem because I forgot to change my passport photo >.<
Slept on the bus while talking halfway to Joyce, Chia Lek and Tee Li.
Goodness me, now they know how much of a pig I am.

Reached Kuantan and had prata for breakfast.
I think it was the bumpy coach ride and the super lack of sleep that makes me feel nuaseated, making me barely able to swallow down my kosong single prata...
Zzz, then it's trekking time!
The forest trail was fine but then the rocky parts with the waterfall right next to me is really rather scary!
It's like if I fall, I will never be able to come back again! >.<
But must thank a lot of people especially the guys who pulled and pushed me along.
辛苦他们了。

At the first stop, which is the twin waterfalls, we played with the water and I went to climb up the waterfall along with most of the guys and a few girls.
I have no idea where my courage came from but yea, I went up.
With no security rope or anything, I climb onto a slope of about 60 or 70 degrees.
Then they said that they are running short of time and we had to go down.
Me... shocked into silence. How am I supposed to move down that vertical piece of rock when I a hung there in such a awkward position?!
But seriously, ODAC people are helpful like siao:D
Teck Kian asked me to step on his hand as a leverage. Goodness!
I slipped though and thank god both of us didn't fall because of that.
And Sean came sliding down, losing control and crashing onto my hand.
My hand is just bruised up and I am glad that he didn't come crashing down into me.
Otherwise both of us will just *poof*
Eventually Munir guided me down:D

Got taken away from pumpfest group halfway and was asked to trek faster because our balance not very good and are amateurs lo.
We caught up with trek comm but both of us dun feel good about it.
And asked to join back pumpfest.
It's just that I dun feel secure with Munir leading.
Sighs, and there is no bonding/interaction with pumpfest if both of us just went ahead.
So what if we can make it in time?
But Munir is nice la:D It's just that I dun really agree with his style on this issue. Haha and I stepped on his arm because I was frantically jumping aroung when the grasshopper flew towards me on saturday night.
ZZZ, felt rather guilty oops!

Clumsy me, slipped quite a few times and fall a couple of times here and there, scaring the hell out of my comm guys.
Well, they didn't know that I am super accident prone anyway, so cannot really blame them la.

But the scenery is really great! And we had loads of fun cooking and singing and HTHT-ing and playing loads of games!:D
There are so many things to say, but seriously when it comes to these issues, words are just simply too superficial to sum everything up.
I am glad that I went on this trip and get to know everyone more.
Am happy to be part of this team and had hell loads of fun at today's store cleaning too, joking and working and spraying tons of water!
And am really thankful that this bunch of people allowed me to realise that there is still meaning in uni life and that there are people in uni that I can at least be a little bit like myself in front of them:D

Haha not forgetting me dropping my slipper in the stream and screamed and shouted all the way whil hobbling down and tried to catch it.
Thank goodness Weihong caught it for me!
Woohoo! Three cheers to him!:D
AWESOME TRIP! ALLEZ!

2011-09-23T14:33:00.002+08:00

Midterms came and went.
And the sudden realization that I went through half a semester hit me.
So fast.
I don't even have time to react to everything.
Don't even have the opportunity to participate in everything that I should.
And then I am having recess week.
So many things have happened, in such a short period of time.
I don't really know what to feel.
Suddenly, term papers and final exams are upon me and next thing I know, I will be taking the December break. And starting semester 2.
I am scared. Freaking scared.

All of these uncertain and insecure emotions seem to be flooding me so much that the happiness that I feel is rather shortlived.
Was really happy yesterday though when all the midterms ended.
And had yoga with the really nice instructor:D
And went out to JP to do some shopping and buying some really nice clothes and changing money for the Malaysia trip that I will be going later:D
Like woah right? Yes, I know. Like woah.

Perhaps it's because I think too much.
I just need something to distract myself.
I am not writing anymore. Why?
I feel sapped.

2011-09-11T12:33:00.002+08:00

Woah, this birthday is rather amazing.
Goodness me, I am freaking 19 already.
Can you believe that?
One more year and I am out of the 1-s... I will be the 2-s!
Ohmygod, some vampire just bite me already and leave time as it is!

Had a family birthday party on saturday night, as usual.
With sushi and pretty eggtarts and cheese tarts:D
And received a pretty bag and a gorgeous GUESS bracelet and loads of money *KACHING*
Had a great time chatting with my aunts and uncles and so foolishly and funnily called my AH GONG as UNCLE. IMBA.
One month into school and I can't even recognise my own grandpa.
What is NTU doing to me huh?
Had fun fooling around with my cousins<3

Went out with 4I clique on sunday to lunch, kbox and dinner.
Had to thank them for pei-ing me on this day, when I turn an arwful 19...
Had BK for lunch and proceeded to katong shopping centre for some karoke!:D
It's been a long time since I hang out with the clique.
Feels so... Sighs, we used to be able to meet whenever we want.
And now we are so occupied with uni and ns... GRR!
But still, I feel really blessed to have met such an awesome bunch of people in my life <3

Had Hall 12's Freshmen Welcome dinner on tuesday.
Food's not bad and got a free t-shirt haha!
Then pamela managed to persuade me and anna to go join ODAC.
BECAUSE... both of us got rejected by ADdiction that we are CCA-less.
And if we dun join any in the first year, we will never get any experience.
So, we decided to travel all the way to can b for the subcomm interview.
Ho! And we ended about 11 plus and there is no more shuttle bus service and we had to walk all the way back to hall!
Ohmygod! Reminds me of fright night >.< *traumatised*
But thank goodness I got into pumpfest as liaison officer~
Ohmygod, but it seems rather surreal that I am going to commit to something.
I thought I am just gonna slack it off for the entire year.

Went to JP for dinner on wed night in hope for finding my backpack and anna's more formal shirt, and meeting my mum.
We went to walk around a bit and had beef noodle for dinner:D
And I bought a converse bag. Rather good cushioning and the design is by far the best that I have seen.
And then after dinner, it's left with me and anna to do her shopping for her shirt.
Yup, she got it in the end and we also went to the market place to look for some cheap and pretty stuff.
But too bad, none seems buy-able... Zzz
But I felt happy!~ It's been so long since I went shopping, and coming out of NTU just makes my day!:D

This week's yoga was alright amazingly, I thought the instructor is going to make my butt rot again.
After yoga, me and erjie went to can 2 to eat chicken rice and the honeydew milkcurd.
Goodness us, we just kept eating the entire night :p
We bought dragonfruit too and ohmygod, tons of other things such as sweets and puddings and milk and vitasoy!
And erjie showed me her special way of eating the dragonfruit like a banana! haha!
And we went to walk around in hall, thinking of whether we should join jcrc...
Then went to spy and wave at the cheer people haha and "mug" in my room. LOLS
But I was pretty much enjoying her company<3
And then anna came back from her dinner with KOI:D
And she was kinda terrified by erjie's amazing territorial skills hehehe laughed like siao!~
Then we went to HTHT in erjie's room:D Spilled secrets and I loved the mood:D
Life should be like that, filled with fun, laughter and love!

And friday is going-home day!
Went to talk and lag with pamela in her room while waiting for Jennie to pack.
And both of us went to JP for dinner and decided on Sakae in the end:D
Woohoo!~

Seems like my life is not too dull after all huh?:D

2011-08-26T14:40:00.004+08:00

Long weekend up ahead. Which is exactly what I needed.
A break.
I feel so frigging trapped in this campus.
Perhaps it is a wrong decision to stay in hall?
Perhaps I still haven't really adapt to the university lifestyle.
Well, but entertainment is rather limited in the campus.
Or really maybe I am just too tired of the mugging and lectures already.
But not really, I enjoy mugging at home somehow.

201 got cancelled on monday, which everyone cheered for.
And it got cancelled on thursday due to union day.
And it got cancelled for next monday because of the polling day holiday!
Ohmygod! :D I know that I will die for the coming make-ups but HECK!
For now, I am just going to enjoy the extra free time!
Every stolen hour is a blessing.

Didn't manage to make my speech on tuesday for class. Was not chosen.
But was chosen to present on one of the activities. The crapping one.
I love my crapping reflexes.
Talking about what will happen when a person die.
I said something about things happening in slow motion and then the spirit will fly up to a tree and wait for the calling. LOLS
And people asked me what if there are not enough trees, my immediate answer was: That's why people are planting more trees right? :D
Imba much? :p

Slept in on union day and met up with haiwei and jennie and anna to go out to JP to eat pepper lunch!
Nostalgia filling me from head to toe.
It's been so long since we went to eat pepper lunch together.
And I really miss the times when we can just go there after school and have a lunch/dinner gathering!
But I do appreciate that the friends that I love most are still with me!
That's something to be treasured<3
Came back for an hour of china's foreign policy tutorial and received my presentation assignment topic on chian's foreign policy towards penisula korea.
And the person doing the same topic as me is a korean!
LOLS I wonder who he is.
Went for yoga lesson in the evening and was stunned max by all the zai moves and their impact on my bodies. ACHING EVERYWHERE.
My butt will never be the same again.
But that shows that the moves are effective huh? LOLS too effective.
Erjie treated us to pizza for supper! Woohoo! Stayed up till around 2am and KO-ed with Jennie on my bed. :D
Great day and night:D At least makes me feel a little more alive.

Love watching Friends in hall:D
Shutting myself out with songs by Jesse:D
And lagging at canteen blogging:D
But still, I will give anything to go back to the days where I am donning RV unifrom again.

2011-08-21T20:01:00.002+08:00

Had a great weekend!
Though I didn't manage to go to my hall's dinnerhop...
Talked to consie after a very very long time. Ohkay, 2 weeks.
Haha, but still it feels like a long time to me.
I was so used to her being around me the whole time.
It just doesn't feel right if I turn around and I dun see her.
Haha, I bet she will shudder if she sees this. *mushy much*
But seriously man, these are the only people that I can just hang around.
Trust them and love them.
And I stayed at home on saturday:D
Catching up on homework, making the speech for my tutorial...
And still managed to squeeze in time for a little afternoon nap and haha watched The Rise of The Planet Apes.
I think it's a really nice movie.
It shows Animal's Rights Movements, about what men are doing to animals.
And also the emotions of animals that the SUPERIOR humans might neglect.
Sunday is sports day with Haiwei's combined cell!
They are really nice people and it feels good to move abit more after such a long time:D Haha I feel old.
And I met a copywriter! Jason! He is so cool!
His job is so cool!:D And apparently he earns a lot too!
Ohmygod! He is therefore my newfound idol!:DDD
Had lunch with them at King Albert's Macs, then went to huiyuan's house to lag with constance and just chilled.
haha while waiting for zhengyang to come to tutor huiyuan's bro.
LOLS and I attempted but failed to scare him. Zzz..
In the end, it was me who suffered from a rapid heartbeat.
Sighs, my poor heart!>.<
But still, meeting up with them made me realised how much I missed them!
I miss... those were the days! <3

2011-08-16T18:04:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was really packed.
Culture & Globalisation was alright. A little dry but I can cope with mugging.
CS201 is the usual. Abit weird because we were broken up into teams and we have to stick to the teams for the rest of the semester.
CS2005 tutorial was today.
We had some interactive games for introduction.
But I just find that people there have a different frequency from me.
Went to CCA fair today as well.
Wanted to join ADdiction and Radio Fusion but I cannot find their booth!
So ended up signing up for yoga~~
I totally imba today.
I was so freaking happy when I accidentally added the social marketing course.
But then today... I was like freaking out, thinking I may not be able to comprehend what they are saying.
And that there may be alot of business seniors there and I will pull them down.
Ho, and goodness me, I went to the wrong seminar room.
ZZZ, so that's 2 lessons that I've missed.
And I have no idea whether I should continue taking it.
GRR. Life is so crazy.
I WANNA DIE.
And I cannot believe that I am in NTU as a student.
Not as a visitor.
And I am strutting around hall haha and peeping at people doing cheerleading lols
UNBELIEVABLE.

2011-08-09T20:39:00.003+08:00

A little stones these few days.
Feels isolated but dun feel emo about being that way.
Hmm, first day of school on monday.
Prof thought that lecture starts at 230pm, so we chiong-ed like siao.
Freaking bus only came at 230pm la, and was off-service halfway and we have to walk the rest of the journey >.<
Turns out that the Prof got the time wrong and lecture starts at 3pm.
Phew.
Lecture by the caucasian prof is not bad as he is rather humourous!:D
But I dun really like the CS201 prof.
Hmm, bad feeling. And frequent quizzes?! And ask us to read the 1st chapter of the textbook after our 1st lecture which is only settling admin stuff?! And when we haven't even got the textbooks yet?!
Somehow reminds me of Dolores Umbridge.

Turn to page 1 of your textbook and read chapter 1, and there will be no need to talk.

STARS is really like war!
Everyone started panicking and hyperventilating at 5 minutes to 7pm!
And everyone started spamming away!
And I only got 2 modules out of the 6 that I planned.
Sighs, but at least the 2 that I got are the ones that I really want and like.
Then afterwards, I started adding 2 more of the not-so-popular modules, because they still have vacancies.
And filled my AUs up to 19 and guess what?
I still have fridays free! WOOHOO!

Me and anna went to crash cons' fam de bbq at jurong safra!
Thanks to her that we get to eat good food!:D
Great day overall for a first day!~

2011-08-06T12:12:00.002+08:00

Bookworm self coming back.
Stoning self coming back.
School is starting next week and I dunno what I am feeling.
Excited + Dreading + Worried + Nervous = Neutral?
Hmm, more of exasperated I think.
Lessons starting on monday. I am not sure whether I can sit and listen in lectures anymore, after such a long break.
Seems like a lot of my OG mates are considering Natural Hazards as their modules.
But I chose it because I have a PASSION FOR GEOGRAPHY!
Not because it's got more vacancies or anything.
I MISS GEOGRAPHY.
There seems to be alot of CS modules that we are not able to take.
Hmm, but we still have next sememster and next few years, I guess.
I hope I can get into Natural Hazard, Globalisation, Astronomy and Media History.
That will be the best plan, but no matter, I have planned for myself a 4-day week!
I can go home on Thursday night woohoo!
Oh, homecoming is coming the coming wednesday :p
Well, at least I dun have to worry about reaching home past midnight:D
And, D&D is also around the corner. Well, gave me a chance to go cut my hair before asking the hairdresser to style for me ho!
But the ticket is 50 bucks! Same as prom!
But this time, it's at Urban Beach Bar, not at hotel wor!
But their lucky draw prizes are really attractive.
Hmm, but I am never lucky for this kind of things :/

Went to chill out with my lovelies on thursday.
We just went there with no agenda, JUST CHILL!
Seriously, I MISS THEM.
I can be myself only in front of them.
Because they know me for who I am, and love me for who I am, and NO JUDGING! <3
I dunno, even in college, I have the feeling: If can be them, I wanna be with them!
Call me antisocial, whatever.
I just wanna be around the people that I am comfortable with!

Ho! Did I mention that I moved into hostel already?
Well, the bulk of the things are there le la...
My room is not bad:D Really near the canteen and I am in the same hall as Pamela and Erjie! Haha DINNER GANG!:D
Welcome ceremony was... *stones*
LOLS but the lunch at WKWSCI is SUPERB! AWESOME!
Especially the grilled veggies! Like mediterranean style!
I LOVE IT! WOOHOO!!:D
And we went to visit hall 16, the exterior looks like some condo lo!
And the window is super nice!
Haha, but other than that, I think my room also not bad (Y)

2011-07-28T21:27:00.002+08:00

Whoa, I have been lagging at home for like... 6 days in a row and I am starting to get bored of it.
I mean it's really awesome to wake up whenever you want and eat and bathe at your own leisure time, and it's even more awesome when your parents are at work and there is no one to nag at you to do this and that...
But, it's starting to get boring when you realised you have absolutely nothing to do.

HongKong trip was fun, but I think health is super important for a trip.
(hmm, actually for everything.)
But still, I lost my voice there and felt feverish most of the time.
Not forgetting that I puked all over the hotel carpet in the middle of the night and had to clean it up all by myself.
I cleaned everything up in about half an hour and not a single trace left on the carpet.
*proud of myself*
But I was really freaking out when I puked. -.-
Shopping there was great but the prices are more or less similar to singapore.
So it wasn't very satisfactory like it was in Taiwan with the good bargains.
But still, I bought LOADS of clothes!
My mum went O.O!
*proud of myself*
We went Tsim Sha Tsui and Mong Kok and Citygate for shopping!~
And we went to Ocean Park too! But it was raining quite a lot so we couldn't sit on a lot of the rides, but the performances were nice! :D
(Which sorta made up for everything)
As we were shopping most of the time, we didn't manage to take a lot of photos as well :/

So I came home and simply just lay at home and rest!
Oh and I went to the Unplugged event held by my school, WKWSCI!
It's great to see everyone again after FOC and we ate at Fish and Co!
Cool hanging out with everyone!:D
Unplugged was not bad, just that it was overcrowded and I ended up just standing around the bar and drinking coke-.- But the music is nice and all:D
And just chilling out doesn't sound all that bad to me.
But catching a cab home that night was disaster because no cabs seemed to be available and we spent a super long time waiting before deciding to call for a cab.
I think I would have reach home earlier if I took public transport.
Cost me bloody 7.50 bucks sighs
I am going broke seriously.
And I have to deal with the peer pressure of not having a macbook as well.
No matter, I am happy with my Dell right now and Goh Jia Yi is a person with natural confidence.
Amazingly, I can be a loner or as independent as I need to be.
And, I still have loads of lovelies to fall back on and who will embrace me for who I am!

Watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 today!
Well, these movies never matched up to my expectations but seriously, I was really expecting a little more since it is the last of everything.
Can't believe it though.
This part of our childhood has ended.
They grew up, we grew up.
But still, I have the books with me!
And even though the pages are yellowing and I have read the books tons of times, it's a part of me that I hope I will be able to share with my future loved ones and of course, my loved ones now.

2011-07-16T18:12:00.002+08:00

NTUWKWSCIFOC'11 FTW!!!! (Y)

I got super tanned, my dad thought I looked like Bao Qing Tian LOLS
Woah! BEST CAMP IN SINGAPORE!

At first I was still hesistant about going FOC as it has been a LONG LONG time since I've been to camp.
I reached JP just in time to catch the first batch of freshies departing for NTU.
So I ran over there and saw munweng:D
There are simply too much to say about the camp.
I don't have enough energy to retell the entire the whole thing.
And anyway, the stuff that I have experienced, simply cannot be put into words.
IT'S FREAKING AWESOME!!!:D
The games we've played, the bonds we have created with the seniors and freshies! (Y)
AWESOME!!! IMBA!!!
I just felt damn bad because I dropped out of fright night.
But no choice, I always had this spot of weakness >.<
I CAN'T WAIT TO START COLLEGE!
I can't wait to meet them again! It won't be long!
UNPLUGGED NEXT THURSDAY!

I shall blog about EVERYTHING soon, but now,
I AM COMING, HONGKONG!:D

NO REGRETS CHOOSING NTUWKWSCI!
WE ROCK YOUR SOCKS OFF! FTW!

2011-07-05T15:46:00.002+08:00

ROFLMAO!
Yesterday I received a call from Citibank, the conversation went:

Person: Is this Ms Goh Jia Yi?
Me: Ya, speaking.
Person: We know that you are going to university soon, would you like to sign up for a credit card?
Me: Er...
Person: *silence*
Me: Er, could you let me think about it?
Person: Oh, there is no minimum income required.
Me: Er, I'll think about it.
Person: Oh no, you need to give me a decision now because I am going for lunch.
Me: Oh, haha I am going for lunch too.
Person: *burst out laughing* JIAYI!
Me: Ohmygod! Yvonne?!

ROFL! My colleague is IMBA!
LOLS! WE CANNOT STOP LAUGHING!
Then... today they really went and made me a platinum card!

Yvonne: Jiayi, this is from us. Your farewell gift in advance.
*hands over an envelope*
Me: Oh, wow. Thank you!
Yvonne: Open la, open and see.
Me: Ohmygod, it's really a card?!?!
Yvonne: Lols, no la. Voucher.
*I took out the thing*
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!
CITIBANK PLATINUM CARD!
Lols and I told them I am going to orchard branded shops to use the card today liao!
WIN! (Y)

Went to IMM on saturday to buy the farewell gifts for my colleagues.
Bought mugs! :D
Oh, and there is this hardcore salesman!
From Seacret I think, I was still thinking that the company very smart.
Use good-looking caucasians to promote ladies' products.
After a while, I wanna take my praise back.
Wah, he totally push the products to us.
And said they have some promotion now U.P 130 plus now only 89.90 bucks.
But I hesitated, then he brought me to the counter and told me a SECRET!
He said something about some customer left one pack behind or he got one extra or something. So he is giving it to me 2 for 89.90 bucks.
But everything feels so strange.
I bet the promotion is 2 for 89.90 lo -.-
Then he took out the plastic bags and asked us to pick the body lotion and all.
And I am like thinking: "I didn't even say I wanna buy."
Got the kena scam kinda feel.
So I told him I needa think about it.
And he said I am not taking this seriously.
LIKE HELLO! SO WHAT IF HE IS CHARMING?!
Shopaholics like me HAVE BRAINS!
So, I walked away, no regrets.
That man need to learn how to handle rejections and respect the customers.
I don't appreciate hard selling. PFFT!

ANYWAY, going to book HONGKONG TRIP TODAY!!!!
Woohoo!
And work is ending this friday.
I feel the void in me widening.
Gosh, now that I can whine to everyone for help and giggle with them and be crazy, I AM LEAVING?
I am gonna miss them. :/

2011-06-28T15:35:00.002+08:00

Had BBQ at my aunt's house on Saturday.
Yup, my paternal side with my 2 female younger cousins.
Wah, their BBQ high class one neh!
Premium lamb ribs are fantastic!:DDD
That scene made me think about snippets of Nicholas Spark's stories.
Grilling steaks at the backyard, overlooking the ocean.
Woah, it can be done in Singapore.
Provided if you had the money.
I roasted a few marshmallows only because most of the adults there dislike sweet stuff. Ohwells:/
But I won 20 bucks on mahjong!:DDD
Woah, I only brought 4 bucks there and totally CANNOT afford to lose!
I thought with that 24 bucks, I will be able to get past a week without having to visit the ATM.
I was wrong. So so wrong.
Me and my colleagues went to some korean restaurant on Monday.
18 bucks flew away.
Get past the week. My foot.
Sighs, but I have to admit that their kimchi soup is nice<3

Went to my maternal side grandma's house to celebrate my youngest cousin's 3rd birthday.
He love Thomas the Train so much that the entire cake is made out of it!
LOLS and naturally, the present we bought him... Is also Thomas the Train!
HAHA -.-
Hmm, had an argument with my mum on Sunday night.
Jennie and I were discussing about going to NTU's union camp.
I know if I fit that in my schedule, my calender will be damn packed and I don't have time at all to prepare for Uni.
I KNOW.
But apparently, my mum thought that I was insisting to go, so she got all pissed off and fed up.
And being almost that time of the month, my tears over-flowed.
I have no idea why she is being such a b****. HO! >.< but it's true.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Well, I think she feels that she didn't either.
Everything is alright now. But I just feel very wei qu...
Sighs, parents are... parents after all, I guess.

Hmm, in my faculty camp package, there is this entry pass to some club in Clarke Quay.
And since I won't be able to go to Union Camp, I think it will be great to use that enty pass to club.
But the people in my clique like abit reluctant.
I think asking my faculty people will be more appropriate, since all of them will have the entry pass.
But, but, but... HO! I dun even know them yet!:/

2011-06-23T21:04:00.002+08:00

-Saturday-
Met up with my paternal side cousins.
I have to admit, the elder sis is totally a replica of me.
Doesn't she feel irritated being compared to me all the time?
I sure am.
I mean, why would she wanna be my shadow?
Sure, outshine me. But is that really what her heart desires?
I mean where is she going to go after she outshines me?
Is she seriously going to compare herself to me for the rest of her life?
Oh, but the little sis sure is cute.
SHE IS CRAZY!
(That's why we click so well, we laugh together for no reason at all:D)

-Sunday-
Rot at home and laze around and basically doing nothing.
Nope, not even watch movies online.
I just finished up the rapist accusation book. Finally.
It has brought me so much pain. Because I hate accusations.
That guy is innocent and he got framed for sexual assualt twice?!
How can anyone, ANYONE take that lying down?

-Monday-
Medical checkup at NTU.
Woah, I was getting kind of panicky and jittery.
I hate medical checkups.
Got there and had to fill in some forms, and I realised need to pay 28 bucks.
Thank goodness we are allowed to use NETS, I only have 19 cash-.-
Then went for height and weight and eyesight test.
I think I screwed the eyesight test. Needa change specs I think pfft:/
Then we waited for about one hour to go into some room to see the doc.
The doc took my blood pressure and asked me to lie on the couch while he poked my tummy and use some hammer and hit the joints all over my hands and legs.
*Feels weird totally, and he lifted my shirt up to poke my tummy while Anna said her doc left her shirt on, so makes me feel even more weird*
Went for the urine test and x-ray.
Urine test is kinda easy, just that the nearby toilets are all under maintanece and I had to make a detour-.-
X-ray is uncomfortable.
Because we are supposed to wear the gown and the gown only without ANY upper body wear.
And we have to walk a short distance from the toilet to the mobile x-ray station in that gown.
Hmm, I was totally hugging my bag close to my body.
*Feels insecure*
Then after that is taa-daa, done!
Went to eat Swensens for lunch, SALMON BAKED RICE~
And shopped around a little.
Didn't buy much though, just a shirt that I kinda regret now and a really nice scrunchy!:D
(I bought the scrunchy partly because I feel bad. Because I knocked over one whole stand of clips in HELEN, ho >.<)

-Tuesday-
Back to work and feeling ultra sian...
Ate some special sotong ball noodles for lunch, quite nice:D

-Wednesday-
Had mango eggcurd for dessert *yums*
But the end result is an extremely bloated stomach.
And I couldn't run because I got dinner date:/
Went out with Anna and Constance to plan the overseas trip.
Clementi mall has become my second home seriously. LOLS
Borrowed 5 books and I practically have to hull my bag home. Heavy Ho!
Ate Ajisen and we managed to save a bit of money with my colleague's VIP card:D
Decided on 4D3N Hongkong trip. SHOPPING!~
*Prays that faculty camp don't land on that week*

-Thursday-
Had my favourite chicken noodle for lunch today.
And we passed by Spinelli and decided to sit down for a cup of coffee!
So me and two of my colleagues went to sit near the window and sip our coffee and chat and laugh and ENJOY LIFE!
And my colleagues wanted to treat me to some korean restaurant on my last day!
My response: Eh? 最后一天不是应该我请的咩？
She said: 没有啦。你的钱留着上大学用吧。
感动-ing!~
我会好好珍惜现在的时光。因为当我下一次踏入职场，再也不会有人把我当成可爱，没威胁的小妹妹看待。
也不会有人以淳朴，真切的态度对待我了。
所以这一次，我会铭记在心。
把这回忆带在身边一辈子。
Great<3
But one of my colleage came into the printing room to cry today >.<
I totally didn't know what to do.
Judging from her posture, she is hiding from the rest.
So I am not sure whether I should go up to comfort her or just pretend I never see.
So while I was having this internal struggle and before I could do anything, she left.
Sighs, have to thank hubby for giving me opinions about the issue<3
And hubby, take a deep breath, chill k?
No matter what, believe that everything will turn out ohkay in the end.
And even though things might not turn out the way that you want, remember to always find the bright side to everything ok?
LOVES YOU MAX~
On another note, met up with mum for dinner today near my workplace and she bought a shirt for me:D And we shared KOI!
HOORAY for her though we quarreled over a bug last night.
Something about the myth that bugs are our ancestors coming back to visit us and me always screaming for her to catch them.
Whatever-.-

2011-06-16T14:42:00.002+08:00

Lunch was good these few days.
Had mini steamboat today.
5 bucks for 2 prawns, squid slices, fish slices, mushrooms and loads of veggies.
And herbal soup base and rice.
Great deal! (Y)
2nd supervisor didn't come for yesterday and today.
Though she is very nice to me and is part of my usual lunch gang, I somehow feel relieved when she is not in the office.
Then I can read my book openly :p
Oops, and I can chat and chat with the rest non-stop, without her staring.
Haha:D
Oops, and after lunch we started talking about dresses.
LOLS and flooding me with comments about how short my dress is.
(we got really kinda high)
Sighs, they started laughing at the 2nd supervisor.
Not the mocking kind though.
Just something about someone offering a seat for her on the train.
Though I didn't say anything, I listened and laughed...
Gosh. *feels bad*

Registered for NTU and booked the medical checkup!
Going there on monday with Anna~
But I hope there won't be any blood tests...
*dizzy*
Mum went CPF Board today to ask for her SingPass.
I shall apply for the CPF education scheme tomorrow night.
And still wondering about hostel.
FREEDOM! INDEPENDENCE! But living out on my own?! pfft>.<
And thinking about taking up jobs during uni...
I seriously can't stand the idea of going back to the allowance system.
Shall pia and try to get the scholarship next year!
THAT'S MY GOAL!~~~
And thinking about taking up business as a major? minor?
Freak, brain, stop thinking.

Stopped watching skins.
I dunno why. No motivation to watch.
My interest burns up damn fast huh?

All in all, feeling great coz I ran on Tuesday.
And I can feel my stamina getting better!:D
And also looking forward to dinner tonight! (Y)

2011-06-09T09:36:00.005+08:00

Being natural with him, is natural.
I guess.
It made me think quite a lot.
Think back to the dream that I held on to so tightly before.
Guess we are kinda similar in different ways.
Still, I can't chase that lingering thought away.
And so, I chose not to think about it.
I chose not to think about how many more times, how many more people he did this with.
I chose to ignore.
Ignorant for me, has always been blissful.
Dreams huh?
Do we have the courage and what it takes to pursue them?
Or are we really going to turn our back on our dreams for the money?
Materialism, I can understand that better than he does.
And I can better understand the emptiness that fills me after retail therapy.
Quoting Rebecca (confessions of a shopaholic): "When I shop, the world is beautiful. And then it's not. So I have to do it all again."
But, I am not truly happy.
Happy on pay day, but for the rest of the month?
For the rest of the month, the happiness I seek cannot be found in the material welfare I provide myself with.
But our passion, our dreams seem so far-fetched and impossible to reach.
I guess I am always able to fall into you because we are so similar yet in so many different ways.
Listening is one aspect, understanding is... hard to come by.
How long has it been since I have talked to someone with a passion? With a dream?
A lifelong dream.
And someone who understands the feeling of not being able to commit.
Not being able to reciprocate to someone who is pouring their heart out to you.
Because we may leave and never meet them again.
(I am leaving in a month's time.)
Because we are not whole anymore.
Because both of us have people we love, and they have taken up so much of us, that we are unable to find soulmates again.
How can we seek for soulmates when we couldn't be theirs?
When we are already soulmates to the so many we love.

2011-06-07T10:40:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was kinda crazy again.
And I learnt that being stubborn is not going to change things.
The submissions are still coming.
And I still have to deal with that huge stack piling on my table.

I BOUGHT THE FRIGGING EAR PIECE!

Like finally.
All thanks to my colleague who helped me find the shop that sells it.
It's black and it's 18 bucks.
You don't know how happy I was to be able to plug in to 987fm this morning.
I heard Enrique Iglesias! <3
Before, I feel so disconnected! Ugh!
Great, that kept my mood up a little yesterday when the flow was shuuupa!
ROFLMAO!
And my colleauge waited for me to knock off:D
When apparently everyone has already left and I am still pathetically chiong-ing...
So sweet of her!!!~~~

Fell asleep really early last night.
Was a little disappointed when okto didn't show Animal Night.
(I think I got the timing wrong:/)
But I settled for a glass of coke and Nicholas Sparks' The Rescue.
It's awesome! Totally got feel!
COKE ADDICTION!
(The caffeine totally didn't work on me, I KO-ed at 1030pm lols)

Woke up and picked out one nice set of clothes!
I am wearing the Everlast tank top that haiwei gave me with the black cardigan I bought at JP with a white puffy skirt!
Yes, though I stay in the printing room all day, dressing well keeps my mood high up in the sky!
Am looking forward to the dinner gathering with clique this coming friday:D

Oh and I mentioned the issue about shortening my contract to my supervisor.
She agrees with me and so it's just the letter now, and the one month notice.
Then there will be nothing between me and NTU.
Oh, of course there will be the overseas trip!
WOOHAA! Life can be fun when you think that it is.

2011-06-04T22:45:00.003+08:00

Ohmygod! I went to watch Lion King today!
IT'S AWESOME!!!
The 100 plus dollar ticket is worth every cent!
The singing, costumes and props are IMBA!
Ohmygod! Especially the singing. I was so touched I have goosebumps all over my hand!
IT'S AMAZING!

I want to keep this memory alive in me.
That I will be able to look back and still sigh in satisfaction when I speak about this musical.

Circle of life and Hakunamatata was done really well!
And the young Sinba sings beautifully too!
I am really very impressed!
I think young Sinba's "Oh I just can't wait to be king" was done well too!
I was in awe and amazement the whole time!

I would want to watch it again definitely.
Maybe 10 years down the road, they might do a tour again and I will watch it again.
No doubt.
And it's almost full house today. I bet everyday.
They are really professionals who did a wonderful job.
I was so touched when they end, that I cheered super loudly!
When the characters came out to take their bows, I think that's the most satisfactory moment for them and also the moment for me to show my appreciation.
I am so happy to see that Lion King has been so familiar to us that a lot of people are singing along.
Especailly for Hakunamatata!:D
And they tried to incorporate singapore's culture into the show by adding chinese and dialects which adds a certain spice to it.
The effects were great too! You hear "Awesome! Cool" echoing all around the theater!
*I love the elephants!*

I love the Marina Bay Sands shops!
Fendi, Emporio Armani, Prada, Chanel, Gucci, Burberry etc.
Ohmygod, one day. One day, I will be able to walk in all of them and buy them! :D

Had dinner with my aunt's family at Ichiban Sushi.
And invited them to my house for a short visit.
Lols and getting excited because tomorrow I am going to watch X-men First Class and also go to the book fair!
I love this weekend! YEEHAA!<3
I don't think I can sleep tonight.
There is simply too much excitement and I am brimming with awe and happiness!

2011-06-01T15:26:00.002+08:00

Woah. 1st June already.
Suddenly felt like posting this because my colleagues are starting to mention about me leaving the office.
Has it been almost 6 months already?
I can still vividly remember the day when I first started work here.
Afraid, lost, alone.
And suddenly, I realised how much have changed.
And these bonds and friendships that I have forged, cannot be snipped away as easily as I used to think it would be.
Of course, everything has a downside.
My job is not at all a happy and smooth one and the people here are not the ultra friendly kind either.
But they did try to make me part of the family.
Making me laugh when the job was tough.
And chatting with me when I had nothing to do.
It's this peace that makes me look forward to the ending of every problem.
And it's them that encourages me on and pushes me forward when I feel like giving up.
I will be starting college.
A different world from them.
I will be going to NTU Mass Communication. Full stop.
Nothing can change that now.
And I don't want to change it either.
Talking with my colleague just now made me realised how lucky and fortunate I am.
To be able to pursue what I like at an advanced level, and come out to work in that arena.
She... She's a lot similar to me than I thought possible.
She has worked in a production company before and listening to her speak about her work with such passion and happiness, it makes me wonder whether I could be like her.
Why did I waver?
Is this my passion?
Yes. It is.
And I hope that one day, no matter how difficult my job is, I will be able to share with the others with pride.

2011-05-31T15:42:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's print flow was crazy.
This morning's too.
I was juggling 400 pieces of paper in one and a half hour!
Drowned by tsunami >.<
Made my blues kinda worsen.

Watched season finale of skins season 1 last night.
And it was lame -.-
I mean, Cassie and Sid are sweet. Yes, I know.
And it's good to see that Tony has changed and realised that he does love Michelle.
And seeing Maxxie makes me melt, literally.
But car crash?
And singing after that?
Like obvious lip sync some more?
Like hello? No depth!
Makes me wonder why I am watching the drama.
Oh yes, for amusement. And yes, the hot guys.
I will start on season 2 soon, because there will be more Maxxie!<3

Oh and I dreamt of Tony on sunday night. HAHA
The dream goes like this:
Tony and I were in some cafe, standing there.
And this girl walked past me and brushed past my butt.
So, I was kinda pissed off.
And Tony encouraged me to go beat the girl up.
Lols and I did.
So I went over to her table, put my hands on my hips and screamed:
"You *ucking whore!"
(I am not so crude k? My subconcious brings in the context of the drama, that's why.)
And attempted to hit her. But she caught my hands and I ended up flailing my arms around. ROFLMAO!~
It was funny when I recounted it, but at that moment, I totally felt shameful.
Then Tony grabbed me and ran, with that girl chasing after us.
We ran to the supposed college and lock the doors and we began strolling down the classrooms.
And I dunno for what reason, we squatted down beside some wall, and all of a sudden Tony was sobbing into me, telling me that he love michelle.
LOLS and I patted him on the head going: I know, I know.
HAHA and I woke up.
Well, at least I dreamt of the hot guy and not the geek :D

Oh. And I went down to Orchard Central for the DJ audition.
But didn't register in the end because woah, there are tons of people there!
I mean, since when did DJ become a popular profession?
Well, the queues turn me off quite a lot.
And the egoistic and shameless guy that went on stage turned me off even more.
Goodness, he went up claiming that he can sing like Adam Lambert.
God, no. What the hell, no.
A kid can sing better than him.
Seriously, the DJs are too kind to fuel his ego.
I would have slap his ego down to hell.
Goodness me, have some pride.
Don't make yourself a laughing stock.
Why make yourself out to be a joke?
And people didn't laugh because of what you said, they laughed at you.
Hmm, so I was rather disgusted and I went away.
Well, chances come and go.
If it's meant for me, I believe it will come again then.

Taiwan trip? Hokgkong trip?
But Singapore has a lot of cheap and pretty clothes, no?
Go overseas to stock up on college wear sounds a little ridiculous.
Since I've been there before and the air fare is not exactly cheap.
Resign?
Should I?
Crap, why is life filled with decisions that I don't want to make?

Today is the last day.
I shall go stare at that page.
And close my eyes and the browser.
And tell myself that once I have chosen, there will be no more regrets.

2011-05-26T09:50:00.002+08:00

First time running after 6 months.
And I can't believe it.
It felt SO GOOD!
The rush of the air and the adrenaline pumping through me.
I feel... healthier lols.
But I AM SUPER SLOW.
I ran about 1km in about 10 minutes?!
Like hello~ That's 100m/min! Goodness >.<
I used to be able to run what... 160m/min.
That's like 60m/min gone with the 6 months T.T
Sighs, so now, I shall aim to hit 200m/min yea:D
Dapao dinner and had the house to myself as dad was OT-ing and mum went out with her colleagues.
It was not bad I guess. Just lying there on the couch for 3 hours.
Watching TV and laughing aloud.
(with no one nagging :p)

Ho! Lunch was good too!
Went out with one of my colleauge and we spent a long long time deciding what are we going to eat.
Ended up in some cosy restaurant instead.
The ambience is good, food is not bad too! (Y)
But the black pepper chicken seemed to be too strong for my throat...
Coughed myself awake this morning OHNOS!
Price is reasonable too.
And so, I realised that peeling away the tradition coat of armour that chinatown has been placed upon, when we explore deeper into the streets...
There are actually quite a number of cute shops, cool-looking pubs, and cosy restaurants with reasonable prices!
This should be the form chinatown takes on man!

2011-05-25T11:44:00.002+08:00

Went back to RV to collect our A level certificates yesterday.
Woke up at 9am but I dread going out of the house.
I wanna rot at home...
Sighs, looking at RV again makes me miss studying even more.
Yes, I know that I am going back to school this coming August.
To study what I like.
But, I guess, the feeling is just different.
To wear uniform and sit in a classroom, while listening to the teachers droning on and on...
Though the situations may be similar, but to me, the feeling will be gone.
It's just not the same anymore.
I still remembered when I was in secondary school...
And I kept thinking about how far I had to go before university.
Seriously, actually, it's not that far after all.
Saw a number of teachers in the General Office.
Saw Mr Ho! And Mrs Tan! And Mr Teo!
Told Mr Ho and Mr Teo my choice but they didn't have much of a response.
Haha Mr Teo said we can crash his house someday.
Hmm, wonder whether he will remember what he said.
Ahwells... We went to roam around the school for a little bit.
But yea, the more I roam, the more I miss RV.
Incredible yea? I find it unbelievable too.
But once before, we were able to walk wherever we like.
But now, we roam the school in our home clothes, exclaiming about the differences.
Sighs... I wanna go back! >.<

Ho! We went to Jurong Point to eat Swensens and I splurge on sirloin steak! :D
With sticky chewy chocolate sundae! (Y)
Then we went to watch Pirates of the Carribean!
Quite nice~~
But I kinda miss Orlando Bloom's appearance...
And we missed the post credits scene T.T
Went to Carl's Junior to have dinner.
Shared chicken salad with huiyuan because the steak still remained in my stomach :p
Fun day!~ (Brings back a lot of unwaken memories)

2011-05-23T09:27:00.002+08:00

Dread work.
I don't like to wake up in the morning.
Sighs...

Wanted to rot at home yesterday and watch Kung fu Panda!
But my mum dragged me to my grandma's house.
But, good thing that I went:D
I went to Toa Payoh to buy Famous Amos' chocolate chip macadamia cookies!
It's awesome!~
And! When I was on the bus going towards my grandma's house,
there is this rather cute and cool looking 10-year-old boy who keeps staring at me.
So, I smiled at him, and he smiled back!
And throughout the trip, he just kept staring at me and smiling while playing with his toy car or something.
Then, I got to alight.
After I alighted, he looked out the window at me.
So, I waved. And he waved back!
Cool huh?
I think he is hun xie too! Like maybe mix singaporean and brazilian that type!
Woah! Amazing!~~~

Ok, so now I know that we like the same thing.
Common topic, check.
But I have no idea why we gave the conversation up halfway.
Well, I didn't exactly invite him for more.
And he didn't continue either.
I just think it's a pity.
That we have grown apart and that we are unable to move the awkwardness away.
Or perhaps, we just don't dare to try.
Or maybe he thinks that it's somehow pointless.
And in some way, unfortunately, I have to agree.
Sometimes, some people are just meant to be missed.

2011-05-21T22:23:00.002+08:00

This week was rather uneventful.
Rotting at home on tuesday make me cherish the time more.

But still, yes. No inspiration.
I love clementi library! I went yesterday and today.
New books ftw!
So pretty! Makes me wanna own them!
It's convenient but not somewhere where I wanna sit and read.
Too open. And too crowded. Hmm, I feel.

Took leave today to go to NUS environmental studies talk and reception.
Hmm, I went alone and reached really early.
So I went around to explore for quite a bit.
FASS is so near my house! Though is on the other side of NUH, but still, it's still 15 minutes away!
Sighs, but the recption is not very impressive, though the goodie bag is (Y)
But of course, all of these are not good enough reasons to influence my decision.
Just that I feel a little neither here nor there though the curriculum is attractive.
So I shall make my final decision tomorrow.
Somehow, the thought itself scares me.
Ugh.
Why is this so difficult for me when everyone says my anwser is obvious.
Gah.
Wah.
Crazy. I am going crazy.

Bought a pretty dress and a black jacket and a green tank top and a beautiful brown three way bag and a cute tinkerbell necklace!
So happy with my treasure today!~

DJ?
English? Chinese?

Is there anything available to chase away headaches and dilemma?

2011-05-14T10:10:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was great, in a way. Despite the fact that it is friday the 13th.
Well, I didn't trip this time round.
But the system hangs on me.
And the customer with the largest order decided to submit at this time period.
So the system is like dying, with me along.
My timing was totally delayed as the network is totally not responding.
And I practically chiong-ed afterwards.
Ahwells, on the bright side, I ate yong tau foo laksa for lunch (y)
And me and my colleagues went to Central @ Clarke Quay for brief shopping.
I bought sticky!~
(10 bucks though:/)
And one of my colleagues spotted a pair of shoes that she really liked.
So she totally asked me to pei her and buy on sat afternoon coz she is meeting her friend for dinner.
Hmm, but guess what?
We went after we knocked off instead coz her friend couldn't make it for dinner.
Woah. She didn't buy that pair, instead she bought 2 pairs from Elizabeth Litz, a local brand that is relatively new and have classy and pretty shoes.
But the price... woah, totally out of my range.
And then I began to see the difference.
I see the benefits of coming out to work full time.
Money, a lot of money.
She bought 2 pairs as the shop was having a promotion of buy 2 @ $138.
And to her, the price is acceptable.
I look forward to that day, when I will be able to do just that:D
Shopping with her, was rather comfortable.
Though I didn't buy anything but our styles are somewhat similar.
So we have quite a lot to gush about...
Dinner at Ajisen was great too! We talked a lot and I really enjoyed her company.
All in all, shopping and dinner dates with colleagues turn out to be rather pleasurable as well:D
Just that, this gave me more reasons to miss them after I leave.
Leaving, used to be so easy...

Sighs, oh. And I stayed up to watch Galileo, with haiwei. In a way.
Haha we texted throughout so it feels like we are watching together:D
It's great!
The guy is a genius! But it's physics...
Something that I will never be able to comprehend fully LOLS

2011-05-12T22:38:00.000+08:00

Today...
Small interuptions made the happiness a little incomplete.
Printer's ink went keesiao.
Korean food (kimichi soup) for lunch...
Colleagues O.O as I sweat like mad and turned pink literally!
Lols, that's how I am when I eat spicy stuff.
Err, now they know lols.
And seriously, the thing is not even very spicy.
I am a sucker at this :/

Have been looking forward to tonight ever since we settled on the date.
Long John for dinner but didn't manage to have awfully chocolate in the end:/
NEXT TIME! :D
Water for elephants is great!
I think the plot is good. Robert Pattinson is hot in rags LOLS
But true enough, he doesn't really have that kind of passion with Resse Witherspoon.
I mean, I could do with a little more wild scenes.
It will make the FEELING more realistic.
Like "yea, we are desperate. our lifes are hanging by threads here."
Oh and that, quoting Jennie, schizophrenic bastard acts kinda well.
Coz it makes me hate him!
But I love Rosie, the elephant! She's cute!
I love the part when she took out her chain and walked over to have some lemonade like nobody's business! (Y)
And "life is full of tricks and delusions."
Sometimes, talent cannot be guaranteed by certificates and degrees.
But by the talent found within you.

I should totally hang out more with girlfriends.
Then I can be me. I can be natural.
You can be a bitch or a good girl anywhere,
but you will always be you around me.

Transferred the money for lion king's ticket.
Did I mention that I am going to watch lion king? XD
Like "YES FINALLY!"
Can't wait at all! Anticipating~
I was thinking of wearing my prom dress there~ :D
And there are more dates coming right up!
And it's time to scout for more flexible and enjoyable jobs.

2011-05-07T12:16:00.002+08:00

It's great to be able to wake up on a late saturday morning.
I sacrifice too much.
How long have I been not doing that?
Yup, three and a half months.
It's a blessing to be able to wake up at 11am on a saturday and watching spongebob while having my breakfast. (Y)
Usually, my saturdays only start at 5pm due to work.
It's fantastic to be able to start today at 11am:D
And I watched Message in a Bottle.
It'a amazing that I didn't cry, since my tears went free fall when I was reading the book.
They were quite subtle in the movie about the grieving parts.

But somehow, I dunno how, but somehow this show aid me in my choice in university admission as well.
I begin to question myself: Where do I belong? What is my true north?
To be able to enter the prestigious, number 1 university in singapore and come out to work in a specialised arena, earning big bucks...
Or to enjoy what I am going to learn and not dread work for the rest of my life and still earn enough.
Perhaps, this way I wouldn't be top-notch and exceptionally specialised.
Perhaps, this way I wouldn't be a millionaire by 50 but I believe I can earn enough to manage my finances and on top of that, be happy.
To many, the answer to my question may be obvious.
But they didn't know how that prestige blinded me.
I was what, 1 of the 50?
I managed to squeeze into that competitive spot and I am going to turn it all down?!
For what?
I can be one of the most significant and impactful people in the world.
Out there, making a difference.
But what difference would it make if I will always hold one small regret in my heart.
Will I be truly happy, knowing that I have let my dream slipped away?
To me, this decision is important.
Because I am choosing a life here.
To me, there wouldn't be a bend in the road to turn me out of this.
I wasn't able to see it then.
But I am seeing it now.
I can foresee myself, in that near future.
Learning and doing what I love.
And relief swamped over me when I finally acknowledged the decision deep within.
And now I know.
I can have a lot of interests.
But I have to recognize my one true passion.
And when I did, I know where my true north is.

2011-05-02T20:15:00.002+08:00

Having a migraine now, which I dunno why.
Since I totally just rot at home today.
I realised that I am a really bad fan.
I don't have over 30 songs that Jesse sang.
Screw me. So I spent my entire morning downloading all the songs:D
And spent the rest of my afternoon watching Keith, the 2008 movie that Jesse starred in.
The plot is pretty simple and for a lot of people, it's rather slow.
But I think the fliming was done pretty well.
Amazingly, I didn't cry at all even though Jesse died in the end.
But then they did it rather subtly.
And i think the ending was really well done.
Hmm, but I have to admit, a lot of the times I was just staring at Jesse McCartney.
Just staring and swooning~
Btw, the show doesn't include subtitles, so once I start staring at him, I tuned out and miss their conversations.
But expected huh?
He is so hot in there! Er, he is hot everywhere!
But mysterious boys have that tinge of appeal!
Recently, I posted a number of Jesse's videos on facebook wall so that everytime I log onto facebook, I can watch them again and again and again!
Great day holiday!~

2011-04-30T21:42:00.002+08:00

Reading books is one huge interest of mine.
I love to just sit there and read and read and read.
Of course, I still love to shop and talk too.
One sad thing is that I haven't written for a very long time.
My inspiration just flew out of the window.
And I am through sitting here waiting for it to fly back.
Because apparently, that's so not happening.
I have to go find it, and I am not opening any windows again.
That is, if I find it back.

1) Run
2) Read
3) Daydream
4) Relax at secret hideout

Uh huh, OL life is so not going to get my inspiration back.
Yes, even though my calendar is filled with dates and outings, but still nights are not enough for me.
I want the whole day free.
To be able to wake up in the late morning, breathe in the fresh air and wonder how beautiful any day is. And go wander around parks and bookstores.
Do you have any idea how blissful that is?
Now I do.

Woah. Woah. Woah.
I just refuse to believe it. I don't want to know, seriously.
So long as the letter doesn't reach me, I am so gonna heck.
If it reaches me, well, I...
I am so gonna freak.
I freaked already, by the way.
Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma.
I laid out all the pros and cons for those three, and I ignored the obvious biasness.
I chose to ignore the answer that my heart is whispering to me.
No, strike that, my heart is yelling it out at me actually.
I dunno why. I just need that last, extra certainty.
Well, you gave me half of what I needed.
You pointed this fact out to me.
The fact that deep down, I already knew what I want.
That I have already made the decision.
You knew me best, I guess.
Only you realised and noticed that.
I look forward to it.
To everything.
To back to school, back to studying.
And with you in this package.
Time has never flown so fast. I dunwanna wake up and realise hey, 3 months passed and I practically threw my life away, wasting my time!
Seriously, just for the money?
This is a really important lesson for me.
I am really not cut out for admin. And this, amazingly, helps me in my decison making.
Well, a little.

I love today.
Going back there after so long.
Meeting up feels so natural and comfortable.
I will always be me around you.
No need to pretend, no need to create polite conversation, no awkward silence.
Woah, I long for that so much.
Uh huh, that's why I arrange so many dates right.
To get away from the "serious" me.
So, being with the people who know me, and still love me for it...
I can, just be me.

2011-04-22T20:14:00.003+08:00

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS!

It was fantastic! Brilliant! Awesome!
Ate breakfast at harbourfront mac. Hotcakes ftw!~
And I couldn't believe that and a couple of twisties at 5pm lasted me the entire day!
We headed off to sci-fi city first.
Had some problem with the lockers.
We didn't know that we weren't suppose to bring ANYTHING up on the rides.
No wallets, no phones, no cameras!
And we went around like that, empty-handed all the way to 5pm.
And we sat on the coolest CYCLON!
Woah! I came off it feeling dizzy and groggy.
First time, for the very first time...
I actually feel scared while sitting on a roller coaster IN SINGAPORE!
It's great!
The HUMAN was not bad too but still CYCLON is the best!~
The mummy ride in egypt was cool too with all the effects and the backdrop.
haha I mean literally BACK DROPPING!
We sat on the cyclon and mummy twice!
The waiting time for the jurassic park wet ride is IMBA.
80 minutes for some water tour and slide?!
Honestly, I totally think that it was a scam.
Haha but the tunnel that is pitch black is really kinda scary.
I couldn't see A THING. NOTHING.
And then we felt that we were lifted off groud and the next thing we know,
the gates opened and off we slide!:D
I didn't really get wet because I was sitting in the middle.
And I love my jumpsuit!
It's pretty! And it's almost waterproof! <3
Then we went to walk around.
I didn't know Egypt is just beside Jurrasic Park, which is beside Far Far Away, which is beside Madagascar, which is beside Hollywood, which is beside New York City.
Quoting Constance: Well, how big do you think Sentosa is? :D
We took loads of pictures and had loads of fun!
Dinner at pastamania at harboufront!:D
Hmm, it didn't give me a very good first time impression lols
I didn't finish half my pasta coz it's a tad too dry.
Ohwells, but still...
I love USS and love the sporting company that went goofing around with me!<3

2011-04-20T23:08:00.002+08:00

Fantastic week! <3

Free pizza for lunch on tuesday!
Well, quite a number of staff are on leave so the few of us are lazy to go out for lunch, so we ordered pizzahut!
I heard that half is on the house and the other half is paid by one of my colleague.
THANK YOU!~
Lovely dinner date with shiyuan and tongjing!
Ate at foodcourt because I am super broke.
But in the end I splurge at paper market!
Ohmygod! Fantastic shop! I love all the things there!
I can stay there FOREVER!
Lols and I wanna learn scrapbooking!
But I buy got purpose de leh, doing birthday surprise for ___ <3
If I say it out, it won't be a surprise no more:D

Today is great because there is this NTU comm studies pre-admission reception.
At conrad hotel!
We kinda couldn't find our way there, and another girl helped us asked the directions. But in the end, she lagged behind us.
I feel kinda bad for not striking up a conversation with her.
ohwells, wah the hotel is super grand and pretty!
Ohman, why can't our prom be there huh?
Went there with anna, and saw quite a number of RV people.
Like francesca and xueqiang and eileen and sherry and mun weng.
They said they were on the shortlisted list.
Hmm, I didn't even know there's one. I thought it's either accept or reject.
But still, this means that there are still chances!:D
And the reception is not bad.
Just that... I dunno what they fill the food with.
I ate a teeny weeny bit and I felt super full :/
But the cakes were great!~ I ate a chocolate one and a fruit one! (Y)
The talks got more and more boring by the second, and we started doodling on the paper!
Journalism and advertising and public relations sound interesting!
But radio is in broadcasting and cinema studies.
Speaking of which, I kinda feel like sending in a tape to the radio stations of me introducing myself haha and hope that they can offer me a part time job lols
But sounds rather incredulous huh?
The talk dragged, and there are no shuai guys to be found :p
After the talk, we went to Promenade station and saw the girl we first met, Melody.
Yup, this time round we chatted abit, but still not much la.
Like a bit neglect her. Oops >.<
But seriously, really a bit limited topic.
Reminds me of the SMU interview guy...
Ahwells, free dinner and met up with loads of people:D

Came home and told my mum about it.
But somehow the topic shifted to our taiwan trip.
And she is kinda against it now.
So we had a little polite argument.
I feel kinda bad actually, for not being able to understand her pov.
But she agreed.
She agreed before.
I dunno. We didn't really quarrel so I guess everything is ok.
And USS is coming right up!
And no amount of argument can stop me from being happy!~

2011-04-16T00:12:00.003+08:00

Apologized to my supervisor today, for the big hoohaa that I've caused.
And I am feeling much better.

Fantastic night tonight.
Techinically, last night since it's over midnight already.
Goodness me, our clique is awesome!
Nothing seems to have changed and even though we have not grouped up like that ever since last month, hellooo no awkwardness! :D
That's what I love about our group!
We can be so natural together.
And we can laugh for no good reason and just talk!
I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Waited outside secret recipe for almost an hour before they have table for 11...
Hmm, my stomach is growling like mad!

OH! not forgetting to mention that...
DENG DENG DENG DENG!~
While waiting for everyone else to arrive, I went to buy KEITH!
Finally bought it~ The movie that Jesse starred in! :D
And I bought a 39 bucks wallet from MANGO!
Woohoo! Changed it immediately! Mine is totally hideous!
But now, IT'S LOVELY~ <3

But, I dropped my earring and I stepped on it.
Now I am only left with one.
Sighs, that is one of my favourite pair!
*heartache!*

Nonetheless, ate chocolate indulgence and chocolate banna cake for dessert! (shared of course!)
But I still think the CI is better! :D
Oh Oh oh and I wanted white chocolate macademia in spite of my bloated stomach.
But the guys are afraid that it's too sweet...
So we gave up, pfft...

Then we went to Sentosa Board Walk!
Super cool and pretty!
My first time there!
Woohoo! And we crapped on the travellator!

Reached home at around 1120pm and my parents are all asleep!
Woohoo! First time ever! Superb!
Awesome night! XOXO

Lovelies forever!

2011-04-13T20:48:00.004+08:00

This week was...is...
Sighs.
It started off with rather heavy monday blues.
It's so heavy that I have to google "Solutions to monday blues" at work.
Yup, that's how bad it is.
Haha but I took the advice of lunching with a friend.
And I spontaneously asked huiyuan to lunch at dohby gaut.
Rush like mad! But chased half the blues away:D
And I stayed up really late chatting on the phone.
Crap talking is relaxing.
But seriously, sleeping at 1am still makes my monday blues evolve to tuesday blues.

Highly anticipating the moive on tueday night.
Makes time go even slower than usual.
And my mouse went hay-wire. So I was more pek cek.
But movie date was fabulous!
Rio is superb! Was like laughing ALL THE WAY!
Haha I dapao-ed Yakun bread and egg inside!~~~
Nachos is (Y)!
And company is lovely <3

Today was fine.
Until my supervisor called us over to tell us a major problem.
Apparently, the HQ people are accusing us of not printing the certificates within the 2 hour time frame.
But it's so ridiculous that we are quite pissed.
I wasn't the only one who is implicated as it seems.
Because they traced and checked all the way back.
But I am doing the printing now, so I feel ultra stressed.
And while they are investigating, they discovered that one of the case was caused by one of the colleague forgetting to print one type of cert in that hour.
So it was delayed.
I was feeling weird and awkward.
When they were pin-pointing the blame..
But I have no time to feel sorry for others.
Turn out that I made the same mistake. T.T
Sighs, I am feeling super guilty.
My colleagues comforted me somemore, made me feel even worse.
Sighs, I hate this.
So maybe I have wednesday blues too.
Whatever happened to HUMP DAY?!
Grr, this week sucks! >.<

Next week is SUPER packed.
Tons of dates!<3
And Universal Studio!! :D
Oh and Delta outing on friday, but I am still not sure whether I can go :/
And another date on sat!:D
Hope next week will be AWESOME!

Oh, I got accepteed by SMU school of economics.
Friday, come quick already!
Blasting myself with Jesse to keep out the bad things!
ARGH! Should I ask him out?
So long never see him le! I miss him!
But... Argh!!! T.T

2011-04-10T21:39:00.002+08:00

Tanya's concert was ok.
Abit sian coz we dun really know her songs.
But she sings pretty well.
Kit chan was amazing! I have goosebumps all over me when she sang!
Goodness!~~

Planned Taiwan!
And I am really looking forward to it!
Booked USS!
Really excited!~

Bought 2 pairs of really nice earrings!
And I slashed the price!
The service of the salesgirl is great:D
And she said that my voice is sweet~ Heehee!

Hmm, when I was going home via the mrt, I was in the carriage with a bunch of guys.
Immature guys.
Super immature.
Guys have to go through NS to grow up.
But still, some guys are always immature.
Shouting aloud in the mrt is not cool.
And peeping over someone's shoulder to look their iphone games is rude, not funny.
Clustering at the mrt doors and trying to push your friend out of the train is super immature.
Grow up, seriously.

I hate guys who think that they are the whole of the girl's life.
Wake up. You are so wrong.
No one is the whole of someone else's life.

2011-04-09T11:57:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY JESSE MCCARTNEY! <3

(You will always be the number 1! 6 years and counting!)

2011-04-08T09:18:00.002+08:00

I just dunno what to think.
Well, after the first wave of shock, anger and hurt blew over, I became pretty normal.
Yes, I knew all along.
But it still kinda hurt when the situation arrives.
And it led me to think: Will others do the same? Who will do the same?
"My faith in you was fading."
I can't forget, I can't forgive yet, and I can never pretend.
I need time.

And thanks alot to those for listening to me rant.
I dunno whether she allows me to tell the story but I seriously need to vent.
Thanks for being there for me<3

On the bright side, I recovered pretty fast.
And I am ohkay already:D
I just dun really know how to deal with the problem yet.

Tanya's concert tomorrow night!
I only have 4 tickets, so I am not able to ask alot of people along.
I just asked those that I think might be more interested.
If I didn't ask you, it's not because I dunwan you to come or anything.
It's just that I dun think you are that into it.
My dad's company is the sponsor for quite a lot of concerts!~
So, there are plenty of chances!
And I will ask different people for different concerts according to their interest!
So... yup! Anticipate~!

2011-04-07T11:46:00.003+08:00

I took leave yesterday so as to go to the SMU interview.
So happy to wake up at 9am and dilly dally.
Ate bread for breakfast and lunch and indulge in shows.
Ohmygod! How long have I not done this already?
But in the end I went out of house later than planned and ended up reaching there just in time.
The interviewees are all kinda nice and outgoing.
So we hit into conversations immediately.
The interview was not so bad, and I am not really stressed up by the 2 professors either.
It's just that I was expecting them to ask general questions.
And yet, they asked specific ecnomics problems related with current affairs?!
God, I could totally hear screws dropping all over in my brain while it tried to start up.
I didn't think I did fantastic.
I think I did good enough, but not amazing.
But the interviewees were like: Ohmygod! You speak really well!
And: You are from RV? No wonder you speak so well!
Err, thanks for all the polite compliments but I think they all did pretty well too!
And I think being in RV has nothing to do with it.
So, after the interview, all of us parted ways.
And the guy offered to lead me to Bras Brasah Complex since it's on the way.
*grateful*
I will be utterly lost without him.
So, we chatted and reintroduce ourselves again because I guess both of us were too nervous to notice the introductions at first :p
He's quite a nice guy, but our common topics are a little limited >.<

Ahwells, I bought the book I wanted at Bras Brasah!
And lagged at the NLB for a while before meeting up with my mum to buy new shoes!:D
Then we went to visit my grandma at Tan Tock Seng.
Sighs. Seeing her with all the tubes make my heart kinda ache.
But at least she is conscious.
Wah. I nearly cried when she gestured for us to sanitized our hands.
I mean she is not able to talk due to the tubes and yet she is concern for our health?!
Ohman, ahma, get well soon!~

I am a sucker.
I can't believe that I fell all into it again.
But I tried ok. I really did.
I am not sure whether he felt the distance, but I did.
But he was saying all those stuff, and the hurt in his voice...
And, sighs, I gave in.
It just seems so natural at that time.
And I said it back to him.
Or maybe... I really do feel that way too? Still?

2011-04-03T13:52:00.002+08:00

6K'10 Chalet~
I stayed for a night and came back now coz I can't really take it anymore.
Going to KO soon >.<
Went to wild wild wet with siyu!
Super fun! I love the rides and the adrenaline rush!
It's my first time in the water ever since sec2!
Thank goodness no need to wear swim suit, I dun even know where mine went.
And not even sure whether it still fits lo.
Somemore, mine is the 2 piece kind, er quite childish luh.
Haha love the water and just lazing there and floating around!
But I swam abit and realised again that my stamina sucks.
So even though I am super tired and just wanna lie around and watch movies and read my books all day today, I have decided to go and run!
Hehe FINALLY!
But before that, I shall go and sleep first!
Although there is a VERY high possibility that I wouldn't want to move after I sleep...
BBQ was funny...
I was walking out of the room with a whole bunch of marshmallows when this guy asked me for one stick.
Lols asked me for the roasted one somemore!
haha I asked him to wait patiently then! But according to the rest, he got help us quite a lot, so I very kindly went to give him a couple of my nicely roasted marshmallows!~ My skills quite zai de ok!
Slept quite a lot for this chalet!
Gossip a lot with mr chua also!!:D
Ate mac hotcakes for breakfast and the coffee stopped me from sleeping for the rest of the morning -.-
but definitely not now!
Then the rest went to escape, while me, xinyu and lihui went home.
Slept all the way on the train with Jesse blasting in my ear.
Wonderful time~
(Pity didn't get to cycle, dunno whether I still have phobia after tha fall >.<)

2011-04-01T22:21:00.003+08:00

Everyone in my office is interested in which uni I will choose.
Sighs and honestly, I can't choose if NUS don't reply me.
People do all sorts of weird things in my printing room.
Change clothes, adjust pants, gossip loudly...
Well, I get entertained.

I have decided.
I am going to give up the zara skirt so that I can book better seats for lion king.
And I am intrigued by Macbeth as well.
38 bucks, I can afford that:D
Mr Andrews will be so proud of me.
(Provided that he still remembers me of course, but I doubt so :D)

Went to the Harvey Norman electronic show at Suntec today.
And on the way, I satisfied my craving for Starbucks!
White chocalate mocha ftw! :D
Oh, and the guy who took my order was too busy flirting with his colleague to notice what I am ordering.
What the hell is white mocha?! And I asked for whipped cream.
Grr, I totally give him the exasperated cum devil stare.
But thankfully, I got my order right afterwards:D
Bought my camera!
225 bucks for 3 years warranty, 14 megapixels, 8 GB SD card, 7 times zoom.
Ohkay la hor, it's a half price cut!:D
But it's not cannon leh, it's olympus.
I debated with myself for a while because of that.
Seems to me that I am rather brand conscious hor, but I didn't bend to that in the end.
Well, mainly because for the same price range, the olympus one is indeed better.
Well, and the salesperson is a little qian bian.
He totally gave the satisfied look when I went back to him to make the purchase.
And told me: "I told you you won't get such a deal anywhere else."
Fine, but you don't have to be so smug about it right?
But I got what I want, and he is quite a good talker.
I am going to give him credit for that.

So...
1) Lion King
2) Macbeth
3) Wallet
4) Universal Studios
6) Rio
7) Tops and skirts

Still, I am going broke. T.T

2011-03-30T14:39:00.004+08:00

Woah. The past two days have been quite hectic.
The print flow is like OHMYGOD!
Ya, that about sums it up.
Lols everyone in the office is stressed up and hardcore working.

In addition to that, SMU called me on monday while I was busy stamping and printing.
So I was a little frantic.
Furthermore, I didn't even submit my documents and payment.
I thought of giving it up.
Interview next wednesday at school of economics.
Freak out!
Then at night, Anna told me she got accepted by mass comm.
While being happy for her, I started to freak out even more.
And I began to comfort myself by telling myself that I applied later, so naturally the letter will come later.
And with all the early admission long story blah, it's no wonder the confirmation will come later.

Ohwells, then I began tuesday.
Even heavier workload. Sighs.
Before I knock off, some of my colleagues from another department sat me down and continued their "interview".
Lols I told them all about SMU and they discussed with me the possible questions!
*grateful*
Then.... At night, my dad came home with a letter.
Yes, THE letter.
Haha and that's when I flew to the moon and back.
I got accepted into NTU MASS COMM!
But yes, I am back on Earth now, and I am kinda wondering why I am still going for the SMU interview.
Oh yes, experience.
Experience.
I paid 15 bucks for this.
And I can take leave!
Ok. Valid enough reason.
And then... why is NUS not replying?
I want to balance the other factors too aka who are going into which uni, before I make my decision.

Oh and should I apply for MDA scholarship?
It ends on 1st april, but it requires us to secure a place in uni first.
What kind of shit is that.
One page essay?!
2 letters from referees?!
In such a short time?! Bummer.

Should I go for taiwan?
A lot of places I have been there before.
Most importantly, I went to the museums before, and I dunwanna go there again.
Going there again will be wasting time and money.

As the saying goes, we'll see how it goes.

2011-03-26T10:19:00.000+08:00

I still haven't go and run. Inertia.

NTU admission is resolved, after many calls and emails.
Well, I asked NUS via email whether I can still add in my discretionary stuff after I submitted my application. They replied me saying that I can attach everything in the mail.
But I am tired. Don't really feel like doing it.
But if i ignore the email, will they still process my application?
Me and my stupid mouth and hand.
Grr. Haven't apply for the universities scholarships yet.
And URA lost touch. Sighs.
Still considering whether to apply for SMU.
Their courses don't really appeal to me.
And even if they accepted me, there is still a high possibility I will reject them.
Then what's the point?

Need to go to the library soon again.
I am finishing all the books already.

Work is boring me with the routine.
Though routine provides security, but I am more of the adventurous type y'know.
Should I quit?

Love the dinner date yesterday!~
Settled my craving for mash potato! And koi!
And saw so many things I want to buy!
Shopping is an addiction, and I will NEVER get enough of it.

2011-03-24T17:13:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is pay day!
Yay! Ohmygod, finances are running on a all time low.
Then I can already foresee my next month pay going off le T.T

To-buy list:
1) Camera
2) Concert tickets
3) Wallet

Oh and I fell in love with the Zara 80 bucks skirt!
It's super gorgeous and it's love at first sight!
Should I buy it?
But it's 80 bucks! Should I tear open my already torn wallet?
Grr! But I really like it!
And it passed the 2 week test le ok!

University Admission is troublesome like mad.
I feel bad also for making those people inconvenient.
Sighs and I just realised that my print flow today is mild because the system is down.
Zzz, so now my colleagues are warning me of the flow tomorrow.
To think I was still so happy and thankful.
Sighs, using their words, "all hell will break lose tomorrow."
So brace myself!
And face Hades, as always.
But at least there is free M&Ms and yakult today.
And a date for me to look forward to tomorrow night. <3

2011-03-18T14:32:00.002+08:00

Sort of made up mind. Sort of.
I thought about it throughout the week.
And I ended up telling myself not to worry about the future.
We can't be worried about the unknown, can we?
Life would be too tiring then.
If I can stare at the pen and paper in my hands and smile, then my decision must be right.
The past two days was fantastic.
Consecutive dinner dates:D
Both at clementi~
It's strange that when we are students, we are seldom able to come out on dates.
And simply hang out. No purpose, no agenda.
Just chill. Ya, I like that.
And I realised I crave single company more often now.
And I crave times to be alone.
And I even had strange ideas such as to go running.
Me? Running?
Uh huh, those 2 things don't go together.
But, I was reading Nicholas Sparks' Message in a bottle these few days.
And what he wrote touched me alot. Because they are so true.
Running may be tedious, and tiring.
But somehow, I always forgot the refreshing effect I felt after I ran.
And those moments of silence that is so appealing.
Perhaps, I will really go run this sunday.
I need to clear my head, feel the wind against my cheek, be alone to think.
Perhaps, that may be the reason why I haven't had inspiration in a long time.
It's too crowded. Perhaps running can allow me to breathe.
Tears dropped silently in the printing room.
Why must Sparks make Garett die? When they are about to make things right?
Why must he die?
Why does he write so well? That he is able to use the simplest form of love and touched me at the deepest part of my heart?
But it is precisely that simple love, that is the most difficult to achieve.

2011-03-15T14:28:00.000+08:00

Went to the open houses.
Though I take away quite a lot of info, I ended up being more confused.
Environmental studies that is newly offered by NUS is tempting me.
And mass communication in NTU has always been my dream.
The catch is... do I want to stay in an office dealing with all the environmental stuff for all my life?
Sure, they are interesting and I can contribute by some ways of conservation.
But... environmental health? Pollution blah blah blah.
Is that what I really want?
Do I want to work with the carbon credits or engage myself in congestion of traffic and development of a tiny city named Singapore?
Do I?
Then, do I want to write articles everyday?
Go scoop around for the most popular news, or coming up with advertising campaigns?
Do I?
I don't know.
I don't know what I wanna be when I grow up.
And then, all of a sudden, I lost grip of my dream.
What should I do?

Saw someone I know at lunch today.
The part of me that is conscious told myself to call out to him and say hi.
But... my legs took on a different form of command, taking me away.
So, I ran.
Ok. And I came back to office, and this indian guy is checking me out openly.
I mean, ohkay but do you have to be that obvious?
Though you speak in a different language, body language is universal.
It gave me the creeps.
I don't check guys out that way.
EEW.
And so I escaped back into the comforts of my printing room.
Sighs, mind is a whirl.
Take me on a tour :D

2011-03-09T16:55:00.002+08:00

Not a bad day today. Not bad at all.
It's mid-week after all :D
Went out to lunch with colleagues again.
And today's print flow made me thankful again :DD
Under the strong recommendation of my colleagues, I bought some bread from a shop with quite a long queue.
And it's cheap and nice!~
I am a bread lover~ Bread with cheese!!
Managed to read 8 chapters of my storybook at work today.
Fabulous! Yes, I am contented this easily.
And I am going dinner with my mum at some famous porridge place.
Double yays!
And I am going home to send in all my application forms to all the related organizations.
And then I shall turn in for the night, early.
Whoopa whoola and then there's more to anticipate over the weekend.
Though it's just the open houses, but still, I will be meeting up with people I love.
And lining the rest of the weeks with outings and activities, I may just love March.
(even though there is no public holidays)
I may just start to feel happy with all these.

2011-03-08T17:27:00.003+08:00

Had a wonderful time last night.
Though it cost me about 26 bucks, but it's satisfying.
With the luxurious meal and the fabulous company <3
Cafe Cartel rocks ttm!~ Though my stomach is close to bursting.
I love to just hang out, chill and chat:D
Should totally do that more often.
Happy Birthday to Qianhui!!!
Haha, and my taste in necklace is not bad right :D
Today is great too!
Had lunch with colleague at some vegetarian stall.
And she treated me to desserts afterwards.
Usually I don't like the yam paste, but this one....
Ohmygod! It's yam paste mixed with the black glutinous rice!
It's superb! <3
First time I like eating hot desserts so much!
Crap sms-ing with mr teo. -.-
It started off with serious talk k! Then he turned it into an extortion.
Well, I shifted the extortion back to him, and now he's ignoring me.
Great job. Not.
Lols, I hope everything goes well for constance and me.
Hope that he can sell and promote us well enough!
But who shall be my the other referee? Mr wong?
Gah, this is chewing my brain inside out.

2011-03-05T09:34:00.005+08:00

Whoa. Yesterday was whoa.
I was super stressed up in the morning, but I forced myself to stay calm.
As promised, I went to the library.
Did manage to borrow a few books and read a teeny weeny bit.
I didn't really freak out until I was sitted in the hall, listening to the principal talk.
And I was clutching Anna's hand, and tears begin to well up.
What if I didn't do well?
How am I supposed to face my loved ones and how am I supposed to face myself?
What am I supposed to do?
But I wiped the tears away (though it kept coming), and held on to Anna for support.
Going jellies lols
After the talk by the alumni and the principal, telling us how well we've done.
I was kind of like in a daze.
Will I be included in their excellent performance?
Ya, that question pops out quite a lot.
And then they went through the statistics with us.
And yes, RV did well.
The percentage of As are higher than national levels for most of the subjects.
So are the percentages of passes.
That was the first wave of relief.
Second wave came from the 99.7% passes in GP.
Then came the 7 distinction list.
To admit, and to confess now. My heart dropped like a sinking Titanic when I didn't see my name.
But then, a nudging thought came:
How could I ever get 7 distinctions?! My math can get B can um-chio already lo!
Then the sinking Titanic began to rise above the surface just a bit.
Third wave of relief swept me when I saw the 100% passes in geography.
Then we are supposed to go and get our results.
I dragged my feet and hesitated.
But still, I know that I have to face the music.
So I went to queue.
Watching the many faces, the ones smiling and jumping up in triumph.
The ones crying bitterly with disappointment.
Yes, I am afraid. Very afraid.
Then came my turn.
My form teacher was staring at the paper and nodding.
But the only thing that I registered was that he was going to put the paper right in front of me and I WILL see every grade!
And that's when I lost it.
I snatched the paper from him and slammed it down on the table, face down.
But it's redundant.
My form teacher ever so kindly told me all my grades.
Gah. But thanks to him too. I gave him a: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
Then I jumped up, grabbed my things, apologized to my chemistry aka my co-form and ran towards tzehui crying.
I cried and I cried. And I haven't even take a look at my paper yet.
Haha after I finally mustered the courage to flip open the paper.
I saw another pleasant surprise.
It's good, I guess.
My results are not the best, not really beautiful.
But it was within my expectations. Sort of.
And even my co-form came over to comfort me.
So, I have the Gods for watching over me.
And I am thankful.
I may not be the best, but I know that this is enough for me.
And I did my best.
A little tinge of regret and a little bit of disappointment.
But still, the thrill is greater. The comfort, the relief.
I should be able to get in, should be able to choose.
I may not be top, but at least I made it, so I should be happy right?
Called at my mum. She was freaking out too.
She was afraid that I will be too upset.
But, I am fine. Just a little too agitated.
Went to Huiyuan's house with Constance and Jingyuan, and we just sat there talking and discussing about university courses and future prospects.
Now that my results are able to open more doors for me, I am wavering about the mass comm thing. I want to try out for environmental engineering.
Perhaps, go to NUS and see what geography-related courses they can offer.
Thinking about taking scholarships from PUB and URA.
Mr Teo called me! Blaming me that I never go and find him.
Ohkay, talking about pangseh-ing. AHEMS.
Lols then we chatted abit, seemed to me like old friends. Wow~
Crapped a little with him, and I genuinely felt happy.
There's a long road, still to be completed.
Still a long way for us to go.
Still, there is faith to kept, and hope to be held on to.
Huiyuan's parents are simply so nice! They congratulated us and treated us to Thai Express.
THANK YOU!~
Had a nice celebration last night.
And I am really thankful.
And have to thank my friends and families and colleagues for their concern via calls and smses.
And sharing the smiles with me.
I can't really sleep last night because it was all a little too dreamy.
That the thing I was worrying about so much is over already.
Within minutes.
I told everyone that I am envious of Anna's results.
Who wouldn't be? It's the most beautiful thing on earth.
I know you will get egoistic seeing this, but still...
CONGRATULATIONS~
Happy for you, girl:D

Let all of us hide the sorrow of this day. No matter what regrets and disappointment.
Hide it, and focus on the smiles.
And bring that to our future, the one looming.
The one we are pursuing, and step forth to welcome our dream.
Great job, everybody. We have done well, all of us.

2011-03-03T09:40:00.002+08:00

Grr. I cannot believe that I dreamt about him.
Of all people!
Gah. Ok, in case the future me forgets who I am talking about.
Last night I dreamt about a guy.
The guy who likes to walk and talk.
Will I get that hint? Haha
Anyway, I dreamt that I was in some sort of chalet with him, his CCA people and his juniors.
Uh huh. I don't know anybody else, except for him.
Why would I be there in the first place.
Shows how illogical and impossible and ridiculous the dream is.
So, it was night time and we were all sleeping.
He was sandwiched between me and another girl.
Ok. The thing is... I seem to be deeply in love with him in that dream.
So when he went over to the girl and showed his affection for her openly,
I cried bitterly. In the dream.
But it was so vivid, I can feel the heart wrenching feeling in my gut.
Gosh. I cried and I cried.
And he came over to me telling me that: "If your loved one left you, you should fight for him."
Ok. Don't make any sense, I know.
The me in that dream was so real and so ME.
I cringed away from him and forced myself to face the truth.
So I told myself to cry.
It seemed so real, I was surprised that there was not a single tear drop on me when I woke up.
I cried and cried and I told myself that after this, I will not be affected by him anymore.
And then I started meditating. LOLS
And the alarm clock beeped, I have never loved my alarm more.
I am so glad I woke up.
By the way, I think this was a sub dream.
I think I was dreaming about Percy Jackson at first, then I woke up in the middle of the night and went back to sleep again, forgetting the percy jackson dream and dwelled instead on THAT dream.
With the guy that I have taken 4 years to seen the truth about.

Evil colleagues>.<
They keep reminding me that IT'S ONE MORE DAY.
Gah. Lord, save me!

2011-03-01T14:36:00.002+08:00

Hmm, interesting.
As we have staggered lunch hours, I usually have lunch alone.
So, I bought my food and sat at a huge round table, occupied by a woman and two men.
I sat beside the woman, but soon after, she left.
One of the men left too.
So I was quietly eating my lunch when the remaining man spoke to me.
He asked me about my food, and how seldom we see that in singapore.
I nodded and agreed.
Then he started asking whether I was local and where did I work.
Out of politeness, I answered his questions.
And then the topics went from work, to results, to River Valley and universities, and its courses.
And it went on further to specific occupations like lawyer, pharmeceutical and teaching.
And then it approached on Mass Communication.
And DJs and news reporters.
And current affairs. ( He totally lost me there.)
Lols then the other man came back with the famous yong tau foo.
And they were surprised that I worked here and yet I have never tried it before.
OK, so the first man ever so kindly gave me a few pieces of the yong tau foo for me to try.
And we chatted some more, and my lunch hour's up so I had to go.
Thank the guys and I left.
Feeling a little weird. I mean they are being very nice, but...
Uh huh. It's so random! I have NEVER met with such situations before.
Ok, ya people are curious and asked a few questions and that turned into casual chatting before.
But giving me food?!
We barely knew each other. And I doubt that we will ever meet again.
Wow, shows that some singaporeans are really kind and friendly huh?
Stun mode ttm. haha and a little on the hysterical side too.
Till I came back to the office and realised that I missed out a stamp somewhere.
And the 2nd supervisor ain't very happy.
Sighs, stupid me. Why did I miss it out AGAIN?!
Gah. Freaking out too.
My colleagues asked about 'A's today.
Gosh. AH!
I will have to calm myself down on that day.
And the best place for me to do that?
I think I'll need to make a trip down to the library before meeting the rest.
Oh the gods, please watch over me.
Zeus, Poseidon, Hera, Hades, Dionysus, Hermes, Ares, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Aphrodite.
And the minor gods too. Hear my prayers.

2011-02-27T16:47:00.002+08:00

Percy Jackson.
It's good, but it's not fantastic.
There is a plot, fortunately. And it leads me on.
But, the language style is not really to my liking.
And with the prophecy and the oracle and the chosen one, it reminds me of harry potter.
But somehow, I prefer Rowling to Riordan.
And I am even more certain of that when I started on the third book.
What's with him and Jesse McCartney?
"Ugh, Who picked the Jesse McCartney? Green Day is better."
It's not exactly great for an author to show favouritism.
I mean the Greek myths and stories are interesting enough,
you don't have to add in this 'spice' to liven up the mood.
Because it just makes me want to flush your book down the toilet bowl.
You are risking this with many Jesse's fans out there.
You can't blame me for saying that it's no wonder that these books didn't get too famous.
Well, but now they are mine.
These five books now sit in the shelves that hold many of my proud collections.
And I am not saying that the content isn't good.
Just the style.
Yes, it kept me reading on. I've been reading three books in three days.
Details, description are a little lacking.
Which explains the less than satisfying thickness of the book.
But I am not agreeing that quantity equates quality either.
I am just a little frustrated at the rate at which I get through the books.
And it's not that I can control it either.
I want to know what happens. In the end.
What's that major plot that's harbouring.
So before I finish it, I shall refrain myself from judging it.
Although I think I most probably did already.
Maybe I am just neutral. After reading it, I don't have the ohmygod-the-book-is-so-good-i-feel-like-i-am-in-heaven-whoosh kind of feeling.
Unlike Harry Potter, Nicholas Sparks, Jodi Picoult etc etc...
But still, it's good.
I smile, I read aloud. I imagine. I anticipate.
That's the best I can wish for I guess. It's not everyday that a good book lies in your lap.
Oh, and I happened to hear Hero by Mariah Carey in the supermarket this morning.
How apt.

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your sould
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

[Chorus:]
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

[Chorus]

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

[Chorus]

2011-02-23T15:48:00.002+08:00

Are dreams ALWAYS the opposite of reality?
I had a weird dream last night. VERY weird.
First, I dreamt that I was being kidnapped.
By a freaking scary and ugly woman.
Who wrapped me in a huge transparent plastic bag and brought me on a travel bus.
(So, apparently I was some merchandise to be sold.)
I never got to know where I am supposed to be sold to because I ran away.
After we alighted from the bus, she asked me to ride a bicycle with her.
So while she climbs on the bike, I take off in another direction.
Then...
Suddenly I am in my school uniform in RV's hall, waiting for my results.
Dunno for what reason.
Bad lighting, bad printing, bad eyesight.
I couldn't see my grades clearly.
So I was trying my best to decipher the alphabets for most of that dream.
And with the help of I-cannot-remember-who, I knew my results.
I shall not say it out here. It's confidential.
Hmm, I sure hope that the kidnap will not happen in reality.
But, please let my dream of my results come true.
Let it be a foreshadow of reality.
Pretty please~

2011-02-22T14:46:00.002+08:00

Bleagh.
Got sick again.
I think it's the I-don't-care-I'm-gonna-spam-myself-with-popcorn-and-nachos mindset
that worsen the cough and inflamed my throat and taa-daa led to a fever again.
It's like deja vu.
Gah.
But I rest over the weekend, and I am back for work this week.
Monday was horrible.
I was only beginning to wave my monday blues away, when the print turned HUGE!
AT THE LAST HOUR!
Goodness me, no matter how I chionged, I can't finish 200 plus pages in an hour.
So, might as well slow down.
LOLS and then miraculously everybody left home earlier.
So I am the only one in my department OT-ing.
Hmms, that's a first.
Today morning was terrible as well.
Flooded. And quoting my colleague: Drowning.
Yes, pass me a straw please. XD
But then SLOWLY, it subsided and I caught up with the timing.
When I guess this is possible partly because of my lunch is bread in the office.
No appetite. Weird taste in my mouth.
But the taste is almost gone, so I can go for normal lunch tomorrow!
HURRAY FOR ME~
*Prays, for so many things I need to pray for, Prays*

2011-02-17T14:18:00.002+08:00

Today's workload is manangeable.
I am thankful.
I was reading my archives these few days.
And I see the childish me appear again.
And I've got half the heart to delete all my archives.
Because there are some past that I don't wish to remember.
But, I read on more, and suddenly I feel that won't deleting those archives be like deleting my memories?
They are the records of my past. Pleasant or otherwise.
Recording the events, the people I love and the lies and sadness I felt before.
Though it's filled with mistrust and hurt, but it's filled with my love as well.
And I just came across a post talking about a guy.
A guy that is my type. And he talked to me in school.
But I don't remember. Who is that guy and what exactly happened?
Will that happen again 10 years down the road?
With me reading my archives again, and not knowing what I was talking about.
Not knowing, not remembering the people that have once impacted my life.
Who is he? What did he say to me that only I comprehend?

2011-02-16T15:56:00.002+08:00

Horrible day today.
The amount of print is normal, acceptable.
But the unexpected problems make time run even faster.
GAH. First, the alignment runs.
Then the paper jams.
Then we run out of paper.
Then the alignment runs again.
And the paper jams again.
And I have no idea why my cough is back.
And I am spamming water like mad.
I ate nasi lemak btw. Which, again... I DON'T LIKE! >.<
I don't eat that kind of fish.
So basically, my nasi lemak is just otah and ikan bilis.
SIGHS. I can't seem to satisfy my craving for popcorn at all.
Just when I am going to eat it today, my throat killed me.
BLAH!

2011-02-14T09:44:00.002+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!~
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HAIWEI! <3

Today is valentine's day, but nothing feels different.
Hmm, there is TITANIC tonight!!!
Should I stay up and watch?
But if I do, my monday blues will continue to tuesday.
Sighs, I hate mondays. Gah.
Took a sneak peek at the report of my workload for the next hour.
Ugh, I guess now will be my only free time.
Bleagh. Don't the people have life?!
Stop submitting the certificates! It's valentine's day!
LOLS a bit no link, but yea.
MONDAY BLUES.
DATE!!! <3

2011-02-12T10:22:00.002+08:00

Chiong-ing through the papers so that I have time for lunch.
Pia-ing at the very last minute so that I can go home on time.
Freaking out when the paper jams in the printer.
At lost when I couldn't find the things that I want.
Exasperated when I have stamped wrongly and I need to reprint.
I could get used to these.

Humming to Jesses's songs.
Dancing in the printing room.
Leaning over the partitions and talking to everyone in the department.
Shouting across departments to reassure them that I've eaten.
Sneaking out to get hot water for my tea.
Joking about and grumbling when my supervisor teased me.
Smiling when the guys freak out when I offered my help in their manual jobs.
Giggling when I got caught slacking.
I could start to love these.

Nearly scalded myself with the tea when I tried to balance the cup while opening the door >.<
But, it's fine. Doesn't hurt a lot.
My colleagues are trying to force me to drink some chinese medicine called 24 herbs when they heard me still coughing.
My supervisor even offered to treat me.
BUT the mad glint in her eyes told me that she obviously have a motive!
Heard that it's extremely disgusting, though it appears to be effective.
I immediately declared that I am well already! LOL

Got harrassed by some weird stranger on msn.
Blocked and deleted him.
Why do I keep attracting this kind of weird and desperate sickos?
Why can't I attract shuai and quiet and poised guys?
I saw some singapore mediacorp artiste He Tian Ci while I was eating yesterday.
Err, ohkays. No one walks up to him or recognizes him.
Maybe they did. But, like me, no big deal.
It will be a different story if I am in LA and I see Jesse strolling by.
Sighs.

Went to town yesterday.
Had a great time. Had a great meal. DAMN FULL.
Drank Koi while waiting. Chatted with the OCBC promoters.
Started with her asking me where did I get my koi. LOL
And a credit card promoter at chinatown mrt approached me like TWICE?!
Though I didn't satisfy my craving for Italian cuisine, Din Tai Feng is not bad:D
I didn't get to indulge in marvelicious cream either.
Hmm, neither did I buy the blouse that I fell in love with.
Good control or what huh.
I am going to put that blouse to the one week test.
Osmose is having a 50% discount storewide.
I walked in because they were playing Jesse's Just so you know.
HAHA and I walked out when the song ended. XD
I WANT THE PEDRO'S 89 BUCKS NUDE-COLOURED HEELS!
(That passed the one-week test ok!)
I am so going to 313@Somerset again!
I WANT TO SHOP!~

2011-02-10T14:38:00.002+08:00

A rather crazy afternoon today.
I was like dealing with 200 plus pages of papers in an hour and a half?!
So, I decided to dapao my lunch.
Otherwise, I really cannot finish T.T
Hmm, nasi lemak not really to my liking.
I do not like nasi lemak fish. And chilli.
Ah wells, so now when a slight breather came, I decided to go wash my pretty purple flower cup and drink my tea:D
But then I poured the tea leaves in, and the smell is DISGUSTING.
Sighs, I should really go and hunt for NICE tea bags and coffee bags.
OH. Then at the pantry... I pressed, but nothing came out.
I am not sure whether if it's out of water.
If it is, I have no idea how to boil it.
And... If it isn't, I have no FACE to go and ask my colleagues how to work it.
I am through with that.
I have had enough shame when I asked how to open a rice cooker and got laughed at by my uncle and my mum like FOREVER.
Oh, let it pass already.
Hmm, so no tea then.
I am crazy about Jesse. AGAIN, I know.
I watched his AOL session of I told you so like more than 5 times in a row last night.
It's awesome. He's awesome <3
I love it when he sings a certain word:D
And he uses that word pretty often:D
Makes me feel that he is singing to me~~
What? A GIRL can dream, can't she?

2011-02-08T14:41:00.003+08:00

First day at work after chinese new year and the illness.
I have so many things to be thankful for.
From now on, I will be on my own.
Sure, people pop by and ask how am I coping.
But, the bulk has to be done by me, myself.
I guess, the reason that I am still hanging on is because this job gives me great accomplishment.
Hmm, I guess I have nothing much to complain about then.
Oh! And... the people here are really kind of nice:D
My supervisor... If you do your work nicely and stuff, she is really nice and fun to be with:D
She treated me and another colleague who left to lunch last week.
It's really expensive because we ordered quite a lot of stuff.
I offered to share it with her like contribute my share for the other colleague's farewell.
But then she says it's on her as I am a xiao mei mei.
Haha I guess being called xiao mei has its advantages as well luh:D
Today, company got give ang bao!
10 bucks leh! :D Woohoo!~ So generous:D
And today, people kept asking me whether I am ohkay, as in health wise.
Even the other department also started asking.
Lols it feels great to know that there are some who miss your presence.
The situation goes:
I cough, cough, cough...
"Aiyo, ohkay ma?"
"You ohkay not?"
And so on luh...
And my supervisor lend me her cup and gave me one of her high class tea bags.
WAH! Damn nice leh! I was like drifting through the clouds when I drank it.
I shall go and buy some tea bags and coffee bags too!
And I shall give her one that I find nice too!
Ohman... My salary please appear in my bank...

2011-02-07T19:45:00.002+08:00

生平第一次去了急诊室。
心脏猛烈的跳动着，不知道是因为害怕，还是因为温度太高了。
感觉自己好像昏睡了一阵子才被拖去医院。
在德士上有很多混乱的想法。
是骨痛热症吗？手下意识的摸了一下大腿被蚊子咬过的痕迹。
会烧坏脑袋吗？是不是像电视那么播的，发高烧至四十度就会变智障？
需要打针吗？需要抽血吗？需要住院吗？
呵呵，是啊。想太多了啦！
只是气管发炎，导致发烧。
发现我的气管很弱。去年也曾经发生类似的事，只不过没烧得那么厉害。
那位医生人也很好啦。一直安抚着我不安的情绪。
也明白我不想要住院的心情。
所以配给我一大堆药后，我凌晨一点半到家继续昏睡下去。
经过这两天，我才真正明白什么是吃饱睡，睡饱吃。
只是我吃得很少，睡得特多。
可能是那个抗生素药性太强，让我一直有想吐的感觉。
舌头上的味觉好像都消失了一样。
喝牛奶，喝不到牛奶的香醇。
吃鱼肉，吃不到鱼肉的鲜美。
无奈。
从医院回来的那个晚上，睡到一半，还跑到厕所吐了一番。
咳嗽药水，喝了让我马上 KO.
快疯掉了。
唉！因为这样我还错失了星期天再去打麻将的机会。
真是可惜啊。
在家里那么久了，就更不想去上班了。
不过，该面对的，总得面对啊。
还有，这一病，让家人朋友担心了，不好意思。
我会尽快好起来的。没事了。

2011-02-05T09:18:00.001+08:00

It feels so weird, this cny.
It doesn't feel like cny at all.
Everything just feels... too normal.
My mood, the festive season blah, i don't feel it.
Yes, we go about doing things that we do every cny, but somehow the feeling is just not there.
But I am not saying that I didn't enjoy it.
I got loads of hongbaos:D and I play tons of mahjong too!
Though I lost quite a lot this year.
Still nursing the hole in my wallet T.T
And I ate loads of goodies, so much that I am on the verge of sickness.
Or should I say that I am already sick?
Should I then be glad that the flu bug caught me after the cny?
But there are still tons of goodies waiting for me at home >.<

It simply warms my heart when the little ones wound their hands into mine.
And then smile up at me, as though I am their world.

I received an email that makes my heart missed a beat.
I get paid for writing?!
It's not a huge sum of money.
But for people like me, it's the notion that counts.
Yes, fancy that coming from me.
But isn't that another step closer to what I've been working so hard for?
So I should probably totally get my ass down to that favourite tree of mine and start writing.
Perhaps, I shall make do at home if I get MC.

2011-01-26T14:53:00.004+08:00

My workplace doesn't allow facebook, twitter, y8 etc.
But they allow blogger?!
Lols so here I am now, peeking over my shoulder.
Hoping that no one comes into the printing room while I am SLACKING.

Went to lunch with Yvonne and Siti today.
Well, it's the first time.
Mu supervisor showed me the way to KOI!!!!
There is KOI near my workplace! WOOTS~~~~
Haha YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Haha she is mad about it too! :D
And even though my supervisor is not so well-liked in the department,
I can't help but be attracted to her.
Not because she is pretty or anything, not in that sense.
But because she is real.
She just shows and talk to everyone in the same way,
in her way, not bothering whether she offended anybody.
Unlike the others who, as I've observed, behaved differently in front of different people.
I am not saying that I despised them.
I know that sometimes, it has to be that way.
You don't agree with the person, but still you still have to smile and nod.
And they are nice too.
My colleauges are nice and kind, I realised.
But this getting involved and being a part of the family thing is
taking a much longer time for me this time round...
And I've thought about it.
Maybe it's not the people here that need warming up to.
Maybe it's me.
I have not been the crazy, zihigh girl ever since I stepped into this office.
Not because the office is gloomy.
On the contrary, it's usually full of laughter and high-ness.
Just that I isolate myself from it.
I am polite. I smile and wave at everyone, but that's it.
I don't show anymore.
What I failed to achieve 6 years ago, I achieved it 6 years later.
A new person, in a new environment.
No one knows that I am damn high actually.
Everyone thought I am a rather quiet, demure, cannot really do heavy chores kind of girl.
Yes, that was and is still the impression.
It's not like I am faking it either.
6 years ago, yes. That's why my disguise fell through within a week.
But this time, I just feel comfortable.
And suddenly, laughing loudly and talking to them about all the things that make me go crazy feels kinda weird.
People here are keesiaoz over korean dramas by the way LOL
Perhaps, I am just tired.
Perhaps, I need a break.
And the quietness around me is a rather comfortable change.
I don't really dread work anymore.
My work is a no brainer. And just maybe, I can survive this after all.
But this work is changing me. I walk like an OL now for instance.
OH GOD.
Hmm, and who knows.
Early contact with the adult world I guess.
But that doesn't mean that I've lost the high-ness in me.
It just depends on the mood, for now.

You are good at this, aren't you?
You always pull me back at the very last minute.
And I will believe you.
And then the entire cycle starts again.
I do not understand.
Why are people so attracted to you?
Why can't they see your flaws?
Or are they like me as well, see it but choose to ignore it?
I thought that if you continue to do this, all will leave you one day.
Or maybe not.
Because they are as foolish as me?
Or because they love you as much?
I feel sour because I care.
And because I know that I am always the one giving more.
Yet, I think that I can't give you enough.
What exactly is that power in you?

I seemed rather tired from ALL of it.
And that's when the escapism kicks in.
My favourite solution, but also the lousiest. I know.
But, escaping allows me to think.
But after I've think it through, whether the people I love will still be waiting for me is another different story.

2011-01-21T20:55:00.002+08:00

Work.
Well, I guess it is pretty much ohkay after I've gotten use to it.
It's rather simple.
Well, it's the best that I can wish for I guess.
I dislike office job before because I suck at using com.
And I hate to face com the entire day working.
Not watching dramas or facebook-ing or tweeting.
Hmm, so here I am stuck in the printing room perma.
I don't even have my own table, for now.
Coz people are still guiding me in the room, and they need the table more than I do.
So, I am pitched on a pile of boxes, tearing papers all day long.
Making my shoulders ache.
I picked up my confidence day by day.
But I am still not letting my guard down.
My guide aka I think the most friendly person in the office taught me so.
She told me that this place is more complicated than it seems.
And never to get too close to anyone, in case they stabs you in the back.
Well, I will only be there for 6 months.
Talk and bad-mouth about me if you like, it's not like our paths will ever cross again.
But wow. I've heard of tons of office politics in the world, but actually being able to observe from such a close distance is rather interesting.
Being the non-threatening outsider and letting people tell you all the things about others.
Interesting...
Not to get involved, never get involved.
I will get past the days I think.
Perhaps pack lunchboxes on Mondays and Tuesdays where the print flows are extremely huge.
Pardon me for my analogy, but it is extremely apt.
Can't blame me for it, who ask me to start work on the week that I have my period.
LOLS
My work is like period.
Just that it occurs every week, continously. UGH.
Haha, mondays and tuesdays, the first couple of days are the ones with heavy flow!
Then it subsides, and then eventually it becomes almost nothing.
Then it all starts again.
HAHA OOPSIE for the crudeness.

Oh wells, I need motivation to continue working.
And counting down to A level results is definitely not one of them.
I DO NOT LIKE ROUTINE. (though I am falling into one.)
I WANT THINGS, FUN THINGS FOR ME TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

1) Manicure & Pedicure
2) Style and dye hair
3) Watch movies
4) Dinner
5) Sakura
6) Shopping
7) Universal Studios
8) Taiwan trip

2011-01-15T21:38:00.002+08:00

I BELIEVE IN RETAIL THERAPY!
Went to bugis with my mum today in hope for finding more skirts for my work.
Well, I didn't buy any skirts AT ALL!
Haha! Instead, I bought 2 flats!~
One white and rather OL-ly type and one really special one!
Love it!~~
I love the feeling of buying things that I like and discover that they are cheap!
WOOHOO!~~~
THEN! I bought a really pretty Tinkerbell bracelet at HELEN!
IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!
It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! (exaggeration >.<)
I shall wear it everytime I go out! :D
*coughs* I can survive the first week of work with my current wardrobe.
But I definitely need more!
Because it's raining today, I didn't get to go This Fashion >.<
Perhaps I should try next sat after my work.
Heard from my mum that there is one huge branch near my workplace.
Hmm, and I opened another POSB bank account.
Feels like a fool. I should have done this instead of the OCBC one :/
But my mum says having 2 accounts are not bad either.
Ahh, ohwells then:D

炫耀。何必呢？
把别人说得一文不值，就为了衬托自己的好？
那样，不只是自欺欺人，还显得额外的幼稚。
抛媚眼。何必呢？
故意和男生走得很靠近，就为了让他们围自己转？
那样，不只是玩弄别人的感情，还显得额外的恶心。
每一个人都会有缺点。
所以，请珍惜每一次的包容和忍耐。
因为在乎，所以抛开。
所以才会举起每一足，继续走近。

2011-01-13T20:09:00.001+08:00

I got my work!~
Not exactly the perfect job scope...
But what I really want to do, no one will offer me THAT job now.
And so, since the pay is acceptable, I shall start work on monday.
Well, I have loads of things to be grateful for, so I am rather contended.
It's a pity that I can't work with friends, but that is rather expected.
And I get to start one work immediately after another ends, at least I don't have to rot and home and wait:D
I guess soon I will be a no-life OL.
I even have to work halfday on saturdays.
Well, but at least it's near my house!:D
It's precisely all these good points that stopped my complaints and allow me to appreciate:D

Mum bought a new bag for me!~
Went Achorpoint today in hope of finding new pants for my work.
Haha in the end, bought no pants.
Bought Charles and Keith bag instead! PRETTY~~
Still looking for pretty flats though.
My flats are all going D:
Looking forward to tmr's dinner gathering<3
Hope that we can always meet up regularly even though we will all be working!

I have tons of ideas in my head.
Coz I kept daydreaming while slacking at work these couple of days.
I shall continue to write tmr.
Today dun have the inspirational mood.
Today is the high and happy mood! So I shall lalala~

2011-01-09T19:27:00.002+08:00

Rather bad day today.
No money.
Rushed out of house in high heels.
Wanted to die while I walked to the furthest bus stop!
And while I sat waiting for the bus, I realised that my heels are like almost broken.
The strap is like holding on by a few strands only.
Panic.
Exasperated.
Then, it's not satsifying at all. Not pleasing.
I guess it can't be this way after all.
I am, unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, not like that.
Yes, I like to take my time.
I like to squeal. And I like to look through things slowly.
I like not making the decisions immediately.
And I absolutely dislike people telling me what to do.
Telling me that they desire other's company in my presence.
And restrict me, limit me.
That. Is. Rude.
If you have so many complaints, if you are insistent of our differences.
Please, let go of my hand.
心中有一种酸涩感。不知道你当时有没有察觉。
当我的手被拿走，从你手中拿走。。。
我的心有一种失落感。
你所能做的事，不是每个人都能取代。
Don't take me away from her. Don't take her away from me.

2011-01-08T22:06:00.002+08:00

I seriously need to write something.
I need to go down to that hideout of mine and just sit there.
I need and obviously, I want to slip into the virtual world that I create.
The one world that I can control and manage.
I can create tragedies and blow them away in the end with a happily ever after.
I would rather myself to believe that there is such an ending.
Makes me have more hope.
Changes the way I feel about things.

It feels kinda strange actually.
To be able to talk and joke about it so easily.
And it felt like a confession to me.
好像在和暗恋的对象表白一样。
But... you know, I am THAT uncertain.
你会嫌弃我吗？
因为我小气，无理，占有欲强，小心眼，心胸狭窄，心理不平衡。。。
你会嫌弃我吗？

I know.
I can feel it somehow.
But I don't feel like doing it.
It's not like I hate you or anything.
I love you, very much.
It's just feels weird all of a sudden.
Like I've lost that familiarity.
Has it occurred to you as well? That's why I haven't heard from you in such a long time?
What am I supposed to say when you are put through?
How are you?
I know, redundant questions that I have.
But still... what are you feeling right now?
Is my voice the one thing that you want to hear?
Yes, uncertain again. Of course, what other emotions can I have?
I am only good at that, it seems.

I need all the luck in the world.
And I need all the reassurances.
I want people to tell me that everything is going to be okay.
I want people to believe in me.
Regardless of the odds.
But the question is, will anybody do that?
What will I do if I am left stranded in an island I know nothing of.
And the unfamiliar faces there doubt me?
Will that instill fear and doubts and uncertainty in me as well?
Will that make me lose faith?
And forget the faces of my loved ones and those that loved me?
Then how will I stand alone? And how will I find my way back?
Will the wind only whisper the good stuff in my ear?
And brush the troubles away from my head?
And bring me back to the other half that I left behind?
I just want to hear the good things.
Call it deceiving, deluding. Whatever.
It doesn't hurt me to want to feel better.
I don't want the truth. I want reassurances.
That's all I need to hear.
It can be fake, it can be a weak attempt of deception.
I will accept it, because it's you. And I choose to believe in you.

2011-01-04T21:00:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to feel.
Why must you choose me? Of all people?
Am I really wrong?
Are the rest really wrong to judge?
And I am the one with the most fault because I allowed others to sway my thoughts?
Then, are you swaying my thoughts too?
Am I really like that?
So dependent and reliant... Trusting you so much that I just fall into everything you've said, everything you've plotted so easily?
Am I wrong then?
What are we? What do we have?
Will we continue? So many questions, so many doubts.
Do you know that you are doing the exact same thing that you are telling me to me?
Then I am doing that to you as well?
Did you sense it? At the very beginning?
My feeble attempt at hostility?
Did you sense the awkwardness? The very first that we had?
I am scared that we won't.
But I am equally scared that we will.
Please don't push me away first, no matter what your intentions are, and come chasing after me next and telling me how much I mean to you.
Please don't neglect me first and then tell me how much you understand me afterwards.
Though i like roller coaster rides, I only like it physically, never emotionally.
Please don't raise my hopes up way beyond the cloud cover, letting me peek on the fabulous rainbow you coloured just for me, and let me fall free fall downwards, and smile at my helplessness.
Please... If you want, just hold on to me.
You don't have to tighten your grip gradually.
Just don't loosen it.
Or... At the very least, before you loosen it, give me a warning.
So that I am mentally prepared.
So that I can look up at you and smile for the very last time even though you are watching me fall.
But, of course, I rather that to not happen.
But how much longer can I deceive myself?
Can you do me just this favour?

2011-01-02T10:49:00.002+08:00

YES! This is the 701th post! 1st post for the new year of 2011!
On New Year's Eve, I was too happy and high to experience the hidden emotions within.
This feeling is rather nostalgic.
Similar to those that I've felt during graduation.
2010...
It's a year full of laughter, tears, conflict and stress.
It's the final year that I can hide in the comforts of the school.
有一种得脱离鸟妈妈怀里的小鸟的感觉。
练习了那么久，终于得独自一人试着在天空飞翔。
害怕归害怕，但失去了妈妈的保护，我们就得学着独立。
勇敢的面对霍大的天空所带给我们的种种难题。
Those friends that we used to be able to see everyday...
Will we lose them? Or all of us will make an effort to maintain the bond?
Will we still stand togther and offer help to one another?
Doubts. Doubts that I don't have before.
I am forced to look at them directly.
But there is nothing I can do. Just wait and see.
With every ending of a chapter marks the beginning of another.
Though the reader may be afraid to read on, the pages do flow.
The book has to be finished, the story has to go on.
And no matter how afraid or how uncertain we may be, I have faith.
Not only in myself, but in everyone.
To believe in 船到桥头自然直。
No use fretting and vexing over the future.
Just live your life in a way that you will, and appreciate and not regret.
We will make it, that far.
And when the new year comes, smile and embrace it.

2010-12-31T23:24:00.002+08:00

Tonight, this post.
It's the last post of 2010, and it's the 700th post.
SO COOL RIGHT! (Anna said I will do this, so I did.)
I shall post a few new year resolutions for 2011 before 2010 ends.
(Btw, I am at huiyuan's house now.)
Though the turn up rate for the sleepover is rather pathetic,
but I still feel rather pumped up because of it.
It's like... It's the last day and we are still together.
I know that it sounds cheesy and all, but that's the name that I've thought a long long time for the facebook photo album!
(Provided that we took any pictures, we took none so far.)

New year resolution:
1) Find a job. A good one.
2) Start on my writing.
3) Spare more time for myself. (Go to secret place regularly for inspiration. It's the place with the things that allow me to calm down and think.)
4) Keep my temper in check, and unlease all my patience.
5) Cherish my dear ones.

2010-12-30T21:39:00.002+08:00

我今天在意本书里读到的，觉得很有意义。

佛说，
前尘百次回眸，
换得今生擦肩而过；
前尘千次回眸，
换得今生相知相识；
前尘万次回眸，
换得今生携手白头。
上辈子他们缘浅缘深？
究竟彼此回眸了多少次？

那么，要做姐妹要回眸多少次？
我认为，男朋友就像是身上的指甲。
女生会花尽心思点缀得五彩缤纷。
当指甲脱离时，当下会感到撕心裂肺的疼痛。
但是，断掉的指甲还会重生。
犹如失去的男友，在心痛过后，可以再找新的。
但是，姐妹淘就像手足。断掉。。。就变成一辈子的残缺。
所以，我认为前尘要相爱一辈子，今生才能成为最亲的姐妹淘！

2010-12-28T19:21:00.002+08:00

Ohkay, today is a rather eventful day.
Met tons of people today, people that I know and people that I don't know.
Saw a rather stylish guy at work today.
He is 4 years younger than me. *coughs*
Me and haiwei both took note of him:D He is kinda cute, I have to admit.
Lols and both of us met him again at Junction 8.
I was telling my hubby<3 that if only he was not with his parents, we can go and take a picture with him.
Not that I am stalkerish or anything, but such a cute guy doesn't come by everyday.
Hmm, then guess who we met?!
We were drinking our fabulous KOI and walking rather aimlessly, while someone suddenly tapped on my shoulder, and I turned...
MRS TAN!!! :D
Haha guess she was out with her family shopping.
Chatted with her for a while, and I missed her!
She is so nice:D Haha we shall go her house bai nian again! YAYS!~
Bought necklace with haiwei at Diva! Shall wear it tmr too<3
Went to the library again. Though I have like 11 books sitting at home.
Well, didn't find anything that I want though. All the books that I want are on loan!
*groans*
So, we went home after that and I changed to the North-East line at Dohby...
And guess what?! Another fabulous incident to make this nice day even more special!
HAHA I saw this super super shuai guy!
He is super shuai ohkay! Really really damn damn shuai!
I am definitely not exaggerating!
他的身材中等，不会说很高，但依我准确的推断，应该是介于 the upper range of the 170s.
不是很健壮，但是曲线很分明！
浓眉大眼，超浓的睫毛，高挺的鼻子，分明的轮廓，深邃的 facial features!
而且又有点混血的 feel~
我敢保证！他看起来绝对像是从杂志里走出来的男模！
本来。。。刚上车的我在打量站在我旁边的很高的男生，正觉得他长得还不错的时候。。。
一转头就对上了那个 potential male model 的眼！
哇！虽然我承认我时常都有在注意这些，但是这是我第一次碰到那么帅的耶！
眼福饱到够本！~~~
(不准你们说我花痴哦！他是真的真的很帅！）
这种人，我看。。。可能就是十八年才能看到一次吧。
呵呵！我好久没有这样的感受了呢！
我使用了多大的 effort 才把我的视线从他的身上离开。
然后告诉自己要潇洒的走出 mrt! 绝对不可以让他发现！
I am quite pleased at the end of it. I stepped out of the mrt without a backward glance!
(Well, have la. But is way after that.)
让我对现实里的男生增添多一点点希望。
总而言之，今天算起来还真是不错呢！:D
And I saw xiumin at the vivo's bus stop with her mum!
Lols! So 巧！And we chatted till my bus came and I got squashed all the way home!
But not bad la~~~ Though I know that I will forget how the two guys looked in less than a week, but at least I've seen it:D

2010-12-27T18:58:00.002+08:00

There are certain awkward phases that girls are bound to face when growing up.
And I was just thinking about the phases that I've went through,
and was rather amazed by the changes.

有人说过。。。在中学时期的男生经历的生理变化是最大的。
那么，在中学时期的女生经历最大的变化，便是心理上的。
处事，态度，在那短短四年里，将会经历无穷的改变。

Phase 1:
(13-14 years old)
Feels terribly awkward and embarrassing if pulled out to shopping by mothers.
Especially when mothers asked you to try on loads of stuff.
Along with the encouragement of the too-friendly salesperson.

Phase 2:
(14-15 years old)
Feels like dying when buying lingerie with mothers.
Feels even more awkward when the salesperson wants to measure your size.

Phase 3:
(15-16 years old)
Feels shy and act weirdly when the salesperson is a guy.
Regardless of whether the guy is good-looking.
More of uncomfortable than shy actually.

以上情形纯属本人意见和经历，如有雷同，纯属巧合。

Haha thinking back..
Especially when I see teens nowadays experiencing the same thing as I had...
I will smile to myself and think: Those were the days.
Sounds old right? Haha, but guess I am rather old. LOLS
Now, I have gotten past all the three phases.
And the change in me has been rather drastic. I don't really feel embarrassed by all the situations mentioned above anymore.
But there are still embarrassing and hilarious moments that I have while interacting with others that will somehow make me cringe and wince when I think about them.
Well, everybody have their moments~ :D

2010-12-24T21:10:00.003+08:00

I am in no position to apologize.
I just feel sorry for myself.
Why can't I be a little bit more aware and a little bit more observant?
Why can't I be a little bit more of control of my own feelings?
And know exactly what I want?
So that I won't hurt the ones that I hold dearest to my heart.
I've never intented to leave.
But all these seems like feeble attempts of excusing myself.
Too feeble.
I can't ask for any forgiveness.
Because there is nothing to forgive, becuase they understand.
It makes me even more guilty when they understand so well.
They should not understand me, they should not accept me!
Again contradiction overwhelmed me.
That, of course, is not what I truly want.
But, I feel that it is truly what should happen.
So, I know that I am blessed.
And from now on, I keep in mind that I will never make these mistakes again.
So long as they are here with me, I will not let them slip through my hands again.
And henceforth, I promise.
With all my heart, and even with a dagger pointing to my throat, I will never let them slip away. Never ever.
It is my blessing to be able to find them in my life today.
And I hope that even when I die and move on, I will be able to bring this blessing to the next lives I have and find them again.
And not be too absorbed in my own world, that I neglect theirs.
And not think too much about the pessimistic point of view, and doubt myself along with the others that love me.
Sometimes I get too carried away in my insecurity that I forget that they will always be there for me.
Insecurity blinds me more often than I would like, and I lost the light and warmth that they provided for me.
But I always knew, and I know that I always will.
Know that they believe in me, and they are willing to take me for who I am.
Someone not perfect, someone flawed.
And I am glad, really glad.
So, from now on, I shall try my best to erase the doubt in me.
To earse the pessimistic self and simply indulge in the faith that they fill me with.
Because, only then, will I be able to be with them, completely.

2010-12-21T10:40:00.002+08:00

昨晚。深夜。我独自一人坐在电脑前面观看了穿越时空的少女真人版的电影。
剧情竟然和漫画，动漫里的截然不同。
刚开始是有点失望的。毕竟我很喜欢漫画里所描塑的浪漫，又单纯的爱情故事。
还有它那带点悲情，和不完美的结局。
电影的节奏虽然有些慢，但是参合了更多的细节。
以致内容变得有点复杂，要到后来才能够明白，才会看到漫画剧情的些许身影。
不过，结尾却让我哭得停不下来。
即使当我恍神的爬上床准备睡觉时，还是流着眼泪的。
其实他的结尾。。。还蛮能够预料的。
从我看日本电影的经验来说，就已经知道结局大概是怎么样了。
但是没有想到电影里的小小细节能够把感情拉扯到这般幅度。
穿越时空。。。
两个不属于同一个时空的人本来就不能够在一起。
但是，连回忆都不能留着，那就显得更加凄凉了。
那么他呢？需要亲手消灭他最爱的她和他共同的美丽回忆，然后看着她忘了他，继续着她的生活。
那样的他又是抱有什么样的心情回到未来呢？
那么，在天国守护着她的他呢？只有他会了解吧？事情的真正由来。
即使她已不再记得他们之间的回忆，但心还是记得的。
所以她看他曾经拍的电影时，才会不知不觉地哭了。
看着樱花的她，其快乐无比的笑了。
正是因为心里记得有着那么一个他的存在吧。
未来的樱花。。。他们真的是一起看了呢！

21 things you don't know about Jesse McCartney

1) Currently, he wants to shake his booty to Beyonce's song.
2) His musical inspiration comes from Elvis Presley.
3) Describe his album in three words: Fun, Sexy, Rhythmic.
4) Celeb crush: KATY PERRY (T.T)
5) Most embarrassing on stage moment: Fell head first on a 7 foot drop, in the middle of a really sexy song.
6) Pre-show warmup: Ha! HAAH! HAAHHHHH!!!! (It's really hilarious!:D)
7) Dream artist to work with: Steve something (i couldn't catch LOLS)
8) Favourite song to sing in the shower: Teenage Dream (He said that's the only song that you can sing when you naked!)
9) Favourite thing to do on a friday night: Go to a big sushi dinner with sake and wine and friends.
10) Favourite band: Youtube (I dunno why I love the way he says youtube!:D)
11) Favourite snack food: Twinkies
12) Favourite line from one of your songs: I don't speak Spanish, Japanese or French, but the way that body's shaking definitely makes sense. (Body Language)
13) Favoutite guilty pleasure: Chicken nachos on a sunday night watching football, while lying on the couch.
14) Favourite on-stage moment: Performing for the President of the United States.
15) Writing or performing: Performing
16) Rock & Roll or R&B: R&B
17) Acoustic or electric: Acoustic
18) Acting or Singing: Singing for now.
19) American Dream or Exotic Escape: American Dream
20) Edge of your seat drama or laugh till it hurts comedy: Edge of your sear drama.
21) Girl next door or Hottie down the hall: Hottie down the hall.

Sighs! Looking at Qns 15 to 21...
I like writing, R&B, Acoustic, singing, exotic escape, laugh till it hurts comeday...
I only got 3 ans same as Jesse! >.<
The one that hurts me the most is that he chose hottie down the hall!
Sighs, well at least he is honest about it.
Gosh! I love him more and more, the more I look at him! ^^

2010-12-18T20:09:00.002+08:00

Ohmygod! I thought I have gotten over him!
Thought wrong didn't I?
他吃喝嫖赌，又吸烟，又没有以前那么 fit, 又变得越来越像 Leonardo DiCaprio.
唱歌的时候常常把手放在敏感部位上。。。唱完后还装酷。。。
He is everything I don't need.
But goodness me, someone please tell me, why am I still in love with him?
Why am I still swooning over him when I watch him perform live?
Why do I still get jealous and angry when I see the female dancers touch him?
Why do I feel so sad and agonized when I hear him sing about his ex?
Why did it hurt me so much when I hear that he has put in so much love into her?
Why am I still watching him and downloading his songs in the first place!
Oh Jesse, 饶了我吧~~~

Went to BookFest today!~
And I love it! There are tons of books that I wanted to buy!
And tons or sale!
But in the end, I only bought 2.
But it makes me happy enough!~~

2010-12-17T20:37:00.002+08:00

Went to surprise huiyuan yesterday!
Hehe bought cake and tidbits at JP bright early in the morning and we sneaked up to her house. I was sooo excited!:D
Sang birthday song out loud outside her door.
She was damn stunned!
I am proud of myself! I still called her before we went up, to make sure that she is at home. Mwhahaha at my cunning-ness!

Had some alone time today.
Felt so refreshed now.
It's been a long long time, since I sat down and read a book while having a nice, hot steaming cup of coffee.
Wanted to go to 秘密基地，but if feels weird to go there alone.
毕竟，每一次都是和她去的。
So I went to harbourfront's starbucks.
It freaked me out a little when I saw so many people at the shopping centre.
I mean why aren't these adults working?!
But thankfully, starbucks is rather empty.
So I got a huge cup of mocha, settled on a high chair and started reading:D
I shut everything out for that hour plus.
And I felt so happy after I left starbucks.
Like I picked up a part of me:D
自己一个人独处的时候，还真是舒服啊！
什么都不用管，偶尔封闭自己也不是一件坏事。
有时间思考，细细品尝美味的咖啡，任故事剧情的漩涡把我拖进虚幻的世界里。
Went to the bookstores in harbourfront and vivo.
Page One is hiring! And I applied for it!
好希望可以受聘！很喜欢那边的气氛。一走进去就超有 feel pa 的。
可以在里面呆超久超久！
Went to apply for MJ too. That was totally by accident.
They were having sales! Buy 3 get 1 free! I am soooo tempted!~
I saw tons of DVDs that I wanted!~~~
Shall continue persuading my mum! 21 bucks for 4 discs?! Like how brilliant is that?
Haha then I saw the board that they are recruiting.
Ahwells, Page One is the priority though. *prays*
Haha perhaps I should try out borders too:D

Going to Suntec's popular bookfest tmr.
This is the life that I am pursuing.
在被人眼里或许有点无所事事，但是每天都能做自己喜欢的事，成天被书环抱，就好像在天堂一样！~
好喜欢这样的感觉！悠哉啊！悠哉~

今天我读的书，一般。
剧情普通，文字普通。但是。。。里面提到了一件事。
提到了男生校服上的第二颗纽扣。
毕业的时候，和喜欢的男生索取他校服上的第二颗纽扣，因为那是最贴近心脏的。
我想要他的纽扣。可是人家都不肯和我拍照了，又怎么会把第二颗纽扣给我呢。
即使他不知道其中的含义，但是对于如此莫名其妙的要求，他一定会拒绝吧？
或许，没有更好。或许，可以更容易忘记。
毕竟，我喜欢的只是他的小小一个部分，那个只展露在我眼前的部分。
唉！要找到一本好书，还真是难啊！~
或许。。。是时候拿出我的私人笔记本，重心开始创作了吧？
想着想着，手就痒了！
现实里不存在的完美男主角，在我的笔下复活吧！:D

2010-12-15T19:06:00.003+08:00

"Waiting for you is like waiting for a rain in this drought.
It's useless and disappointing."

I heard of this phrase about 6 years ago.
And I never thought that such a heartbreaking phrase can be applicable in my life.
It just gets so tiring, fighting against intuition.
Someday, I bet, someday I will succuumb to it.
I usually act on my intuition, no matter what trouble it leads me to.
But for you, I am fighting within me.
Deep down, I know that I shouldn't trust you just so blindly.
Within me, I know that you are not as great as you try to shape yourself to be.
Once and again, your flaws expose themselves right in front of my eyes.
But everytime, I deny it.
The angel in me has been screaming at my denial, screaming to tell me that she is in pain, and that I should avoid you in order to avoid pain.
But again and again, I have placed myself at your mercy.
I placed myself in a position, vulnerable to your actions.
And, I regret it.
The first time, I convince myself, I let you make it up to me.
I forgive. I forget.
But the scars in me are evidence of your acts.
And even though I no longer remember what you did to hurt me, the pain I felt before stopped me, pulled me back whenever I lost control and moved closer to you.
The scars kept me rational.
I don't believe in sweet-talking.
But I was foolish enough to fall for it.
I let you persuade me, I let you convince me that I am someone in your life.
Long before, I knew that I am not anyone special.
That, lessen my pain.
But then, you have to come in and tell me how important I am to you.
And so I believed.
But how important exactly? Important enough to speak your thoughts freely in front of me?
Important to only contact me when you need me?
I know whenever I am weak, you'll be there.
But in the times when I really needed help, where were you?
Important enough to neglect?
Important enough to shirk responisbility?
I know that you've helped me.
But is it plainly because you were there by coincidence?
Just happen to be there?
是我太天真了吗？只是一昧的相信。
可是，慢慢的，我对你的信任被你的过度自信给瓦解了。
一点一点慢慢的流走了。
I've let you in too far.
让你看到了我丑陋的一面。我的嫉妒心。。。无理取闹。。。蛮不讲理。。。还有我最自卑的。。。恐惧。
让你知道得太多太多，多到我也有点害怕。
那应该是我信任你的心开始动摇的证明吧？
是不是逐渐的我就会疏远你呢？
我的固执。。。不知道你是否有体会过。
我是一个不会主动的女生，我催了你两次，I prompted you twice.
And I won't do it again.
And the next time you come running towards me, I will hesitate before taking a step towards you.
It will take me a while for me to warm up to you again.
I am sorry that I couldn't be as spontaneous as the rest.
And I have never love you in that way so I couldn't give in to you unconditionally.
Yes, I may be selfish, but you are not exactly the selfless person that you claim yourself to be.
Maybe I should not cloud my eyes anymore and should let my intuition take charge again.
Perhaps then, that will be the best protection that I can get.

2010-12-11T12:15:00.002+08:00

These few days... Makes me think too much. Way too much.
My life suddenly just revolves around Bella Swan, Jacob Black and Edward Cullen.
And I started the talking to myself thing again.
Ya, freaky huh?
At first, I couldn't stand another moment of it.
But then, hasn't this escaping into other world kinda thing always been my trait?
So that I don't have to focus on my problems.
I can focus on other people's problems.
I can bring myslef to feel the pain that others feel, but not the one lingering in me.
I never thought that it would be so unbearable.
But I talked to you.
You don't know how much you meant to me. More than you will believe.
Talking to you somehow makes me feel myself again.
You caught me before I was swept away by the whirlpool of thoughts.
I thought it will be unnecessary for us to meet again.
Perhaps, leaving everything as it is now would be the best choice.
Guess I was wrong.
Talking to you, chatting, talking about nothing important made me feel your importance.
Pulled me back to the world I feel so comfortable in.
Talking to you made me realise that I can still survive without the silence around me.
Though somehow, I've gotten used to the silence, too much for my liking.
It makes me feel connected again.
It makes me want to see you again.
And because it's you, I have the confidence, that silence around us will be comfortable as well.

2010-12-08T19:01:00.002+08:00

Woah! It's amazing, although today is only the 8th, it feels a long time from prom.
平常我都很不喜欢离开 chalet 了。
今天更依依不舍。以后，要想这样再聚在一起应该会很困难吧。
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

6th Dec 2010

Woke up about 730am in the morning to attend the sph scholarship talk.
Then rushed to meet the rest at 12pm at Pasir Ris.
Ahems, me and anna even skipped the reception for it, and guess what?
We were the first to arrive. *sighs*
Haha, met up with the rest and take all our luggage to eat lunch at white sands.
Then... checked in and the real work starts.
Gosh, make up for the real thing!
But guess my makeup is not obvious enough in the lighting in the ballroom >.<
Ahwells, prom then passes in a flash.
I barely eaten, was busy taking photos, especially towards the end.
I didn't really pay attention to the games and competitions on stage.
Didn't bother about the lucky draws.
Basically it was just photos, toilet, photos, toilet, and more photos. :D
当晚，发生了让我很自豪，但也很自卑的事。
不过，大家以后要再见面的几率真的很少了吧。
所以，我是认为应该留念一下的。。。
Cab back to chalet and pwhaloar!~~~ The fun truly begins!:D
haha played circle of trust and i think i got a little drunk.
Dun really rmb what happened, except that i did quite a lot of my 口头禅 of the chalet! whahahaahhahaahahah:D
So me went off to sleep at around 6am in the morning...
Didn't really have a good night... or should i say morning?

7th Dec 2010

Anyways, woke up at around 10 plus and went to pool!
Haha i decided not to embarrass myself in front of everybody,
so I politely refused the game. LOLS
Then went to eat at Just Acia, haha didn't have much appetite.
Practically passed half my meal over to the guys.
It's the lack of sleep, I know. What else can it be?
Wanted to go to kbox, but it was too expensive.
Seriously?! But I would still love to sing with them!
Haha that just gives us another reason to meet up again! YIPPEE!~
Anyways, we decided to go bike.
Haha I was a little nervous coz the last time I was on a bike was like a year ago.
Well, that time I did manage to get on the bike, but I was super wobbly.
So, i decided to try.
Starting was a little tough and I was really wobbly.
But I am really glad that cycling is not exactly a skill that you can forget.
It's like imprinted in you.
Hmm, guess that is not a very good word.
My body remembers the way, and I was up on the bike and going!~
Felt really accomplished and happy!
hehe, must thank anna and zhengyang for spending like many chalet hours last time to teach me, especially for me to overcome my fear. (which is a humungous one)
And jennie and serming this time round, for staying with me.
Even though I kept stopping and was going kinda slowly...
Ohkays, so I am able to cycle, but I was still having difficulties turning.
I need a huge space to turn and I am super conscious of my surrounding.
The thing is, the more conscious I am, the higher tendency for me to clash into other people. Haiz...
So I was training how to turn, and then time is almost up for us to return the bikes
and it was beginning to drizzle.
I turned, and I turned into some patch of grass.
I thought I will be able to ride through the patch of grass.
Guess I overestimated myself...
Tripped over many tree roots, and the next moment I know, I was lying on my left side of the body, flat on the ground.
My body registered the pain first and I couldn't even stand up.
Tears just spilled out of my eyes and seriously, I hate myself for being so weak...
I saw the blood flowing from my leg and I felt faint.
Gosh. It was rather gross. Wonder whether I did leave a blood trail behind.
(So, here I am now, at home, bearing with the pain on my leg and looking at the horrendous scars. And have to endure the nags of my parents. Ahh!~~~ haiz... It looked like I self-tortured btw.)
So, serming helped me push my bike back and I was limping quickly back to the kiosk.
Was rather freaking out, becuase no matter how many times I have fallen,
I have never scratched myself so badly before.
Ohkay, then jennie came running towards me and we made our way back to the chalet.
I don't know what is going to happen, basically I just felt sort of dazed and panicky.
Anna went out to help me buy some sort of antiseptic and I was sitting on the toilet bowl, in the chalet, with tons of people crowding at the door...
At lost, same as me.
I heard many suggestions, and they get worse.
I was beginning to really freak out, when anna came back with some oil and bandage.
I cried before the oil even touched me. Yes, constance is right.
I am more afraid of the idea of pain than pain itself.
Well, how am I supposed to control my tears when I hear gasps everywhere?
So, I went to wash my wounds, and came out for the disinfection process.
Well, I am not exactly sure how painful it was because I hyperventilated.
With tears flowing at the same time, and many people shouting all at once...
I was in a fluster and then I couldn't catch my breath anymore.
Sighs, I've made quite a scene, I believe.
And yes, of course I am ashamed of it. I should have been stronger and braver.
The tears shouldn't flow. Haiz.
One big thanks I have to give, is to give zhengyang.
I know he won't read this, but I haven't figure out how to thank him yet.
Wanted to treat them to popeye's mash potato. But we all ended up eating there instead... So, next time i guess.
Haha he is more concerned of my leg than I am.
I have to thank him for the constant reminder that my leg is injured, and
I should take note that I don't swing it all around and hit other things.
And have to thank him for keeping me calm, and leading me.
谢谢哦！~
Of course, I have to thank anna for helping me treat my wounds.
我是怕到~~~~~~ 谢谢你陪在我身边。
And also the many who didn't really say but still, I can feel the concern in your eyes and actions. People, I do appreciate it~ <3
Ohkays, so then I went to bathe (ouch!) and ate BK.
And we head on to Changi Airport to send off Jifang!
Hope we can see each other again soon!~~
YAYS!~ I love the airport, though my leg ached kinda bad.
Ahhwells, it's nice that we get to go there but there is limited time that we can stay there if we want to take the public transport back.
And I didn't do the feel pa thing there too. ohman!>.<
Head back to chalet and watched dramas, KO-ed at about 3am and woke around 9am.
Didn't really sleep well either because I was rather bothered by my leg, afraid that it will touch the bed sheet or something.

8th Dec 2010

I don't like it that chalet passes so fast.
I love to just hang out with them.
And I love the feeling of not having to rush home.
Basically, we can just relax.
Sighs, although chalet passes so quickly, prom seems rather far away.
It didn't feel like a 2-day-ago affair, to me, it feels like 3 weeks ago.
Don't ask me why, because I don't know either.
So we packed our stuff, and were ready to leave.
Went to grab brunch and watched Rapunzel!:D
Before that, we went on the tiny ferris wheel and the 2 cabins were like far far away and we couldn't take picture of one another.
Rapunzel was great! But was quite a cliched Disney fairytale.
Sad to say is that I fell for it, completely.
How can I ever believe that there is no happily ever after in Disney fariytales?!
I am dumb, and can't believe that my tears were wasted on this.
God, haha didn't really wanted to go back, I want to loiter.
But I don't want to give my parents another reason for nagging at me again.
So I left home obediently.

Folks, this will not be the end.
4I clique still has a long way to go!
Xmas party to attend, (Ohkay, I shall plan a christmas presents exchange party then!)
movies to watch, (Pirates of Carribean) trips to go on together.
Many many more! We must have chalet every year k?
And every year shall be as fun as the previous one!
I love you guys tons and tons and tons and many! :D <333333

2010-12-02T21:05:00.002+08:00

Far East Plaza yesterday and bought my pretty pretty dress!
And also an extra nice jacket to go with it.
Honestly, I am rather happy with the things I have bought.
But... I've heard that tons of people are wearing until damn formal! >.<
Er, *stuns*
Ohkay, but I guess I will stick with what I have.
More shopping today.
Quite heartache for the makeup. I have to keep chanting to myself that
"This is a long term investment!"
Well, I think I should try and get used to makeup and all.
Since it's part and parcel of interviews and jobs.
Hehe! I am getting very hyped up about all this preparation:D
Also, I finally caught HARRY POTTER today!!!
One movie off my long long list! :D
But I guess I will have to watch the rest of the movies online, since I am going seriously BROKE! Ahh, I can see all the money flying out of my piggy! T.T
But Harry Potter is definitely a must watch for me!
I have never missed out on any harry potter stuff before, i think.
And after the busy-doing of prom, I can finally go pack my book shelf,
and start some serious reading!
My beloved books, here I come! Yeehaa!~~
Again, Harry Potter series is a must. I won't get sick of it,even though I think I have read the 1st three books over 10 times. Haha lost count:D
Should go to the bookstores someday to aim for more books!
Haha! Then perhaps I can make it in time for some xmas presents requests!
I love this december holidays!
Because I have tons of reasons to go shopping <3!
Christmas is just around the corner, and my mum haven't done christmas shopping yet!
Woohoo! I can offer to help her! (Y)
And! Next year's chinese new year is pretty early as well!
Which means SHOPPING AGAIN!
My life is full of fun, joy and laughter!
More exciting plans coming my way, and I gotta feeling that everyday is gonna be a brilliant day! :D

2010-11-21T16:27:00.004+08:00

事件真的平息了吗？风平浪静了吗？
这种尴尬的安静，更显不安。
从远处飘来的微风安抚着，企图说一切已经 ok 了。
但是，真的是如此吗？
那，又会有谁愿意说明，这心里的激荡代表了什么？
看到她，会有莫名的伤感。
看到她，会不自觉地退后。
因为心里萌起的害怕与不安久久不能拭去。
表面上呈现出的 ok 状态。。。不能说是伪装。
因为一切确实是发自内心的感受。
那么这。。。又能怎么解释呢？
所有不明白的，不想明白的，该怎么处理呢？
有勇气的人就会硬碰硬，直接了当的解决。
有智慧的人就会思考，判断最好的方法。
什么都没有的人则会。。。逃。
怎么说呢？或许那是他们自我保护的一种方法。
逃走后，会回来的又有几个？谁能保证？
所有的心情，逐渐明白。
这种感觉和爱没什么分别。
他爱我，我爱他。美满结局，不是每个人都可以遇到。
有时，爱你的人，你不爱他。你爱的人，不爱你。
要等到一个爱你，你爱的人，不简单。
天大，地大，要怎么寻找？要怎么遇见？
如果，真的遇到了一个你能花一辈子爱的人，可他没想像中爱你，是该坚持，还是该放弃？
爱情里，总会有人付出比较多。
谁说只有爱情这样？友情，亲情也何尝不是如此。
付出较多的那个人，就得衡量。你爱的人是否值得让你继续付出下去。
若他也付出，只是没有你那么多，我想是应该坚持的。
毕竟，爱他，就得接受他的全部。他给什么，你就拿什么。
他有付出，或许就是心里最大的安慰。

2010-11-19T21:44:00.002+08:00

It feels like I am in love!
我喜欢小云雀同学！
当你喜欢一个人，他的每一个动作都会变得很帅哦！
呵呵！我喜欢他那种不在乎的态度，但是其实是一个心思很细腻的男生哦！
虽然他比我小三岁。。。 >.<
呵呵！我喜欢他站在厕所外面等人的样子！好酷！
但是，我绝对不会像川岛同学那样，表现得那么明显更不容易靠近对方啊！
我也不会刻意搞那种小动作啦！
比起她，石田同学更加豪爽呢！
哈哈！可是，如果我像川岛同学那样撞到了小柚，然后小柚还抓住我的手臂，不让我跌倒。。。
我应该会像她那样疯狂尖叫吧！
虽然不想象川岛那样，但我和她还有蛮多相似之处呢。。。
看到小云雀同学，也会不自觉地高兴，微笑。
在喜欢的人面前也会害羞，不敢说话。。。
不过，他太矮了啦！和一个 cushion 一样高耶！
天！咳咳！不要误会，我在说我们这一家的人物啦。。。

2010-11-18T13:52:00.002+08:00

Yikes! No!!! Jesse~~~
Oh no! Why is his video so... so... ugh! *exasperated*
It's like Rihanna's rude boy! Ya, that bad.
Goodness! 当我们长大，就一定要随波逐流吗？
不可以坚信着自己的意念，还有坚持自己的纯真吗？
Jesse has changed. So tell me, Why am I still in love with him?!?!

最近的我迷上了日本动画：我们这一家
我一次过就可以看十集八集耶！
呵呵！他们用台湾华语配音，爆笑的啦！
好喜欢花妈哦！真是可爱！
就是要看看这样的动漫，才会让我们找回一点点的童年啊！
想起中学时的那种幼稚和无知。。。
呵呵！看到那里的女生组织起粉丝俱乐部，就让我想起水果篮呢！
呵呵！也很喜欢柚子哦！长得像招财猫的柚子！
还有还有，那种青涩的中学暗恋。

哇！~~~不想读书了啦！

2010-11-12T21:16:00.002+08:00

From henceforth, everything is going to change.

Emptiness swooped over me like great black eagles.
And I feel at lost all of a sudden.
Somebody, please come and guide me along.
Come over and tell me I will be ok.
How I wish I know Jesse. God, people in LA can just say hi to him anytime!
And I love the fact that he still sings his old songs.
Because they are the ones who captured the hearts of fans like me.
Really nice and meaningful songs.
Oh. Bruno Mars' Grenade is another good one.
I feel for it.

枫：
枫啊！~ 有好多好多话想要对你说。但是，在你面前的我总是胆怯不敢开口。如果你能看到这个，那真的是太好了。不过，不要当面来问我好吗？人家会害羞嘛！呵呵！我还记得。。。那天，对我来说仿佛就像是昨天发生的事一样，历历在目。曾经的我们素不相识，我对你的了解也少之又少。没想到，如今的我们却变得如此信任对方，在乎对方。
谢谢你，不仅仅只是每一次聆听我的心事，还有大胆地告诉我，我也是你珍惜的人。如果，那时我没有向你诉苦，今天的局面应该又会被我给搞砸了吧？就像当年？我的固执，自私，每一次都把事情变得无法挽回。谢谢你劝我踏出第一步，让我不做出后悔的事。谢谢你愿意和我诉说你的想法。我也希望自己能够变成像你一样的人。能够陪在自己珍惜的人的身边。
每一个人都不是完美的。你我，都有缺点。我敞开的心房，让你进入太深。我害怕。害怕当你看到黑暗的我，会不会对我产生偏见？内心深处，隐藏的自己被你发现时，你会对那样的我有何想法？是的，我很在意。没错，我有时的确是想太多了。但你，每一次都会在我沉沦之前，拼命地拉住我的手，不让我跌入深渊。扪心自问，我有没有给予你同样的帮助？我很无能吧？只能一昧的在旁边添油加醋。
我承认，我的神经也很大条。有时候无法理解别人眼神里的意思，无法明白话语里隐藏的暗示。很抱歉，一定带给你很多困扰吧？我。。。也是一个懦弱的人。一个遇到问题很自然的会先逃跑的人。我会很过分的要求别人在原地守着我，等我落跑后，回来。是你让认清自己的缺陷。是你让我看清我的错误。
枫，不管你怎么想，这一次我不会放手。对你，对她，和她。。。我都不会。这一次，我会努力。努力收藏我们之间的情谊。不会再让我的情绪剪断如此难得的缘。
PS. 现在看来，就算读了这封信，你应该也不是很明白我在说什么吧？那。。。就待下一次我再和你解释。

兰留

2010-11-08T13:25:00.002+08:00

First paper down.
And I lost half my faith.
Well, I shall not say how did I fare.
Because, to me, not saying it out loud gave me somehow, a little more hope.
And ignorance is bliss, right?
Today, when I was going home,
I was reminded that this same time last year, we were all busy preparing for OP.
Struggling to hand up the written report and memorising all our scripts.
Remembering to gesture and smile.
It seemed like a long, long time ago.
It seemed even further to the time when we were choosing subjects.
Carefree, nothing much to do. Nothing much to worry.
And that now.
We grew up so fast that we don't even have time to appreciate it.
Then suddenly, the future press on us.
Expectant I may be, I am still rather reluctant to let go of the child in me.
Gone were the days when i can whine whenever i like,
and just sit there and do nothing and watch TV all day.
But now, our minds and our bodies have been stretched to a point of breaking.
But people, we still have to hang on.
For what? For the unseen future, I guess.
It's like Harry Potter.
I know I shouldn't be watching. I know I shouldn't be reading.
But hey! Who can stand that temptation?!
I can still remember the first time I watch Harry Potter!
The glee on my face and the affection I felt for the author.
And now, we all grew up.
We are kids, no more.
This, hit me rather hard.
How are we supposed to... grow up?
When the papers end, when we celebrated all we want,
then... what awaits?

2010-11-03T21:58:00.002+08:00

亲爱的伊伊，

好久不见了。你还好吗？日子过得如何呢？
曾经的我们是如此的熟悉。是什么理由把我们之间的距离扩大呢？
渐渐的，我们就接受了这个距离的存在。
或许是因为我们之间多了很多牵绊，或许是我们之间多了个人。
我知道我和筱梵的关系一直是你心中的痛，但是你要明白，你们俩才是命中注定。
我和他只不过是很要好的朋友而已。
你也明白筱梵的个性。。。我又很容易被他影响。
我想说的是，我希望这不会使你们出现问题。
筱梵是需要人家迁就的，但是你也不可以太纵容他。
有时候还是要注意一下他的行为举止。
他的精神容易紧绷，也很情绪化，更加容易吃醋。
这些，你都得多多注意，克制他。
对筱梵过于的放纵，对你，对我，都不好。
偏偏我的思路，我的情绪很容易受他摆布。不管你怎么劝我，我都听不进去。
对此，我对你感到很抱歉。有时候，人就是善于被烦恼冲昏了头。
伊伊，有时候你就是太温顺了，才会被筱梵欺压。
不过，我希望你们能够凡事都好好的商量，这样才能够形成互补的状态。
这样，问题就可以迎刃而解啦！
我的人生就是需要你们这两个淘气的小天使，让我更有勇气朝梦想迈进！

祝你幸福。

I know that I am a person who likes contact.
I also know that everytime I yearn for contact, I look for you.
Sorry if you find it strange.
Thank you for always going along with me.
Our relationship... Quite weird right?
Close, but yet not that far.
We can do this because we don't have other intentions right?
Sighs.

2010-10-29T22:46:00.002+08:00

人，好怪。
一天的时间就可以让一个人彻底改变，但是也可以让一个人思考很多。
二十个小时之前的我，还在怨。
下一秒钟，我忽然间领悟到了。
但，我害怕。我是否明白得太慢。
原来迟钝的。。。是我，不是你。
你竟然比我早发现。
所以呢。。。是什么时候开始的？
怎么开始的？
这些，我其实不是很在乎。
我在乎的是结局是什么，你的感受是什么。

我办不到。
本来很坚定，以为可以很简单的，但是我就是办不到。
当时的我以为我已经认清了我到底要的是什么。
回家想一想，我真的抽不了身。
对我来说，或许那是一件好事。
因为，内心的我根本不想放手。
现在才发现，我也犯了每一个女人都会犯的错。
口是心非。
明明不是那么想的，嘴里却那么说了。
明明心里明白了，但是行为却莫名其妙得可怕。

昨日的痛彻心肺，昨日的坦白，忽然之间让我明白了很多事情。
原来我一直在意的，我一直埋怨的，我。。。也是罪人。
让我痛心的这件事，我。。。不是常常在做吗？
因为有了亲生的体验，所以才能够更了解别人的感受。
原来，我才是千古罪人。
对此，我得对她说一句抱歉。

I know you wouldn't read this.
But again, other than saying thank you, I need to say more of sorry.
Sorry for letting you hear me rant about things that will make you feel upset.
But yet, you didn't push me away.
You embraced me and you talked it out with me.
You made me see reason.
And stop my bratful behaviour.
I've taken you for granted.
But that does not mean I do not care.
I know you'll understand. I know you won't make me worry and fret.
But I am sorry.
Sorry for making you cry along with me.
Sorry, I act like a bitch.
And I know no amount of sorry can make it up to you.
So I will translate all that into actions for the rest of our lives.
And thank you for standing by me all these 6 years.
May we have many more 6 years to go together:D

除了以上的甲同学，我还要谢谢一位男同学。
谢谢你给我的鼓励和支持。
请不要在自责了。我的情况，不是你害的。
谢谢你。

你知道吗？
现在的我好恨自己。
经过昨天，我回想了很多。
也才发现，其实内心深处早就明白的事情，为什么会因为一时的任性，挖出来怀疑。
曾经的我就已经一直告诉自己，不可以犯上怀疑的错误。
虽然每个人都会犯这个错，但是我不应该。
可是，我还是犯了。
现在的局面是什么？
耍完脾气的我，忽然间很害怕。好害怕，好害怕。
我。。。好像弄到每个人都不开心。
我是怎么了。怎么自私成这个样子！
好讨厌现在的自己。
我也尝试问问自己，为什么会是你？
为什么不是我刚刚提过的甲同学呢？
我答不出来。白痴的我竟然在哭得发晕的时候问了甲同学这个问题。
感情这种事，真的答不出来。
唉！还害得人家也哭了。我是脑袋忘了带出门，还是本来就没有？
就是看到你就莫名其妙的有那个 feel "pa" 上来。
每个人都能明白的，为什么偏偏就我被一时的冲动蒙蔽了双眼。
我埋怨你的事，我也干过吧？
可是迟钝的我，竟然毫无察觉。
这一次我承认我是白痴，是笨蛋。。。
或许是最近这几天真的发生很多事，或许这一切来得太突然。
或许是因为我心情起伏很不定。
我不是在为我无理的行为找借口，我只是想要表达，连我都不知道自己为什么会有如此的行为。
我早就明白，问题出在我身上。
就是因为这样，让我更加怯步。
怀疑的。。。其实并不是你。我怀疑的人其实是我自己。
我有跳出自己世界的框框思考。我也知道，若是平时的我，不会那么敏感。
其实，我能够理解你的行为。我觉得我心里面想的理由应该没错吧？
但就是，莫名其妙的不相信自己。
与其说，我渐渐的不相信你，倒不如说我渐渐的不相信自己。
因为我以为她可以完完全全的取代我。
（看到这里，请别发出无奈的呐喊。当时的我已经失去了思考能力。）
毕竟，我和她真的有蛮多相似之处。
我。。。找不到能够取代你的人。因为对我来说，你是独一无二的。
唉。当时的我就只是一昧的觉得我能做到的，她也能。
所以，我一直不敢靠近。我以为你需要空间。
或许，你真的需要。但是，是不是我自己先变的呢？
变得疑神疑鬼。像那出戏里面的 bangyong 那样。
（啊！想都觉得可怕。）
我知道，也感觉到你心里的不愉快，你想要把一切变回正常。希望我知道得不是太晚。
我知道你在等我。我还没离开。
就像刚才我说的，我离不开。
虽然现在的我心里有很多尴尬，但是，你要明白，那是我自己得克服的。
不是你的错。或许我们都没有错。
但是我知道我欠你一个抱歉。不过，我不会在这里说。
我想当面和你说。
你叫我什么都不要问，什么都不要说。
可是我怕。我怕在我躲躲闪闪，还没准备好的时候，会把距离扩大。
我不想让我的幼稚，任性，刁蛮毁了一切。
在我们俩读完这篇很长很长的东东时，我们都静下来思考好吗？
这两天，我们好好想想这几日发生的事。
我不能够把事情憋在心里不对你说。任何事都一样。
所以，我希望你可以给我一次机会对你坦白。或许，到时的我会泣不成声，会让你感觉不自在。
但是，请你不要感到愧疚。为了你哭，我觉得很值得。
想想，每一段长久的友情里不都是有很多摩擦的吗？
可不可以，把这次当成我们之间的插曲，化解它。
以后，拿出来谈时还可以笑着说。
我无法忍受我们之间有距离。我无法和心里的刺一起生活。
所以，虽然会痛，但是，你愿不愿意陪我一起拔掉它？
（如果，我写的东西让你哭了，不好意思。我自己。。。都哭得稀里哗啦呢。）
还有，补充一点的是。。。
看到你的名字出现在我手机荧幕上，我真的很开心。
我真的很没有安全感对吧？很自负对吧？
想太多，担心太多，害怕太多。。。
还有，谢谢你。你付出的努力，我看到了。
希望你不要怪我。
希望可以尽快见到你。
希望你明白。
希望你有同样的感受。

2010-10-27T11:41:00.002+08:00

面包是人生里最不可或缺的食品。
对有些人来说，它就是一切。
但是对某些人来说，它却一点价值都没有。
因为很普通，很简单，所以有很多人把它当成了理所当然。
会懂得去珍惜它的人也很少。
对任何人来说，如果桌上摆了一碗热腾腾的鸡面，和一条面包，你猜他会选什么？
正常人都会选鸡面吧？
就只有我一个人那么的傻。痴痴的看着面包发呆。
我。。。不想再有那样的感受了。
所以，我想离开。
对不起，我这样无声的告别。
对不起，我如此的自私。
但是若我不走，难过的是我。
若我离开了，事情是不是就会变得简单一些，美满一些？
我的离开，让我能够告诉自己不要在怀有任何期望。
面包始终还是面包而已。不能成为鸡面还是更美味的食品。
如果你已经厌倦了面包平凡的味道，那我能够帮你把剩下的吃进肚里。
让这一段回忆，这一段情，沉淀在我心里。
若你不珍惜，我也只能够把一切埋葬在心底。
待老去以后，独自一人怀念，独自一人遗憾。
或许到后来，曾经许下的诺言不可能会实现。
或许到后来，傻傻的我才会发现一直最珍惜的人才是最容易失去的。
你若要走，我其实真的是没什么立场去挽留。
因为我不知道你的真心。以前的我很肯定，但那是以前了。
怀疑的老婆因为老公表明了真心，所以一切都释怀了。
但是我们呢？只要你告诉我你的真心，我只要知道你对我的真心。

2010-10-22T22:44:00.002+08:00

It's so ironic sometimes.
Sometimes, nothing happens.
But when it does, everything happens at the same time.
When you are happy, they make you extra happy.
When you are sad, they make you extra sad.
You don't even know, do you?
Do you even know that I am talking about you?
Am I still the one? Have I ever been the one before.
Sorry for doubting our relationship but I really couldn't see it anymore.
I envy her.
Why is it different?
It's not the same anymore.
Or is it just me?
Then have i always been troubling you with my one-sided wishful thinking?
I am sorry.
But I really need more security.
I can't deal with anymore of the un-kindness.
Because, if you didn't realise it, I do care.

2010-10-20T20:16:00.004+08:00

Billboard 200 News Update

Pop singer Jesse McCartney will follow 2008's "Departure" with "Have It All," his fourth full-length set for a January 2011 release on Hollywood Records.
The singer worked with "Departure" producer Sean Garrett, Kevin Rudolf and Young Money rapper Tyga on the album, which was previewed with the release of first single "Shake" last month.

"It's full of sexy, four-on-the-floor beats with big pop melodies... but yet again, some rhythmic, R&B stuff that's pushing the envelope a little bit more for me as an artist," McCartney tells Billboard.com.
"I wanted to make sure that there were no boundaries. I'm 23, and I wanted to make sure there was nothing boxing me in musically or content-wise." McCartney spent a year working on the 11-track album with a variety of writers and producers, including Garrett, Rudolf and "a bunch of new guys from Dr. Luke's camp" like Ammo and J. Cash.

The singer will perform the Ammo-produced "Shake" on "Live! with Regis and Kelly" on Tuesday (Oct. 19).
( I don't know why when I upload the video, it became only 7 seconds! Ahwells...)

After co-penning Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love" as well as songs for Jordin Sparks and Toni Braxton, McCartney says that he is spending "a lot of time in the studio writing for other artists" with Rudolf and J. Cash while preparing for the release of "Have It All."
Although McCartney did not confirm the rumor that he is writing songs for Justin Bieber's next album, he says that "I've been writing for a lot of big artists in the last couple months, and it's everything that you dream of as an artist... to be taken seriously as a writer, not just as a singer."

Released in May 2008, "Departure" peaked at No. 14 on the Billboard 200 and featured the Hot 100 top 10 single "Leavin'." "Shake" debuted at No. 90 on the Hot 100 earlier this month.

Here is the track listing for "Have It All":
1. Shake
2. One Night
3. The Writer
4. Club Hop
5. I Think She Likes Me
6. Tonight Is Your Night
7. I Don't Normally Do This (featuring Tyga)
8. Undo
9. Have It All
10. Mrs. Mistake
11. Seasons (My Love Will Never Change)

2010-10-15T21:51:00.002+08:00

今天的一切，好不真实。
有人说过，女生对周遭事物比较敏感，也比较情绪化。
也有人说过，敏感可能会变成想太多。
我同意。
When you realise that you are not the special one.
When you realise the gap in between.
The world came crashing down on me.
这叫做自作多情。
It doesn't matter if you delete your entire contact list.
Because you won't lose those that you will keep in contact with.
所以，今天我萌起了想要和不是很熟的人一起拍照。
因为这些人，很有可能一辈子不会再见了。
曾经在走廊上打招呼的人，仅此而已的人，我因为无法有进一步的发展而感到遗憾。
以后还有机会认识吗？这样的泛泛之交，我们的路应该会是两条平行线了吧？
短暂的交际后，不会再有机会了。
还有，已疏远的朋友。曾经坚定的友情在时间的感染下软化了。
我想要用照片来留住这些回忆。
但是后来，我又发现了。
既然是泛泛之交，我们这偶然的相遇，在最后一刻才来珍惜，太迟了吧。
不熟就是不熟。拍照也显尴尬。
所以，还是留住能够留下的吧。
用相片，还有拥抱去怀念。